Summit

Malevolence

2005-01-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

I am angry. Mad. Furious. Irritated. My sister said that we're moving in by February 20. Uhmm... WTF?!?! WTFreakingF?!?! I thought it was this weekend?!? Argh... Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Didn't go to school today. Okay, I thought the day was a bit useless and my hands were swelling a bit. It's because of the gloves I wore. It does something that makes my fingers so itchy. Sheesh. So, I didn't get to play any badminton at PE class. *sob*

I saw a cute, appealing boy on TV. Jesse McCartney. Niyahaha. Well, he is a bit attractive. Blond hair... grey eyes... Reminds me of a certain someone who's very popular with the girls. *evil cackling*

Was supposed to have a photoshoot with Carmz tomorrow but my blockmates and I are going to the National Library for research and also have a cat muscles identification session. Gosh. I feel so lazy for tomorrow's class... Physics lab, another experiment, I guess. I can't absent myself though because I was already missing for the first experiment.

Ginia always sends me a text message when I don't attend class. Haha. What a sweet girl. Earlier she even said that my best friend misses me. Well what lovely news that is. Har har har.

Found a lot more fan fics. Gosh.. this is a reading marathon. And to think I haven't read for Zoology yet. On Thursday is the test for Plant Taxonomy that was supposed to happen last week.

I thought it was Wednesday today. I was waiting for CSI and scolding my sister for not going to her tutor. Ack... had to hide my face in shame both ways.

DV... still not here... *sobs*

DG OMFG

2005-01-18T02:30:00.000+08:00

Tom and Bonnie in the same interview? Why? Why Draco and Ginny characters? Why? Why? OMG. *dies*

Okay... just a quick post to relieve the shock and glee.

I See...

2005-01-18T01:32:00.000+08:00

You know, it's true that there are always two sides to a fight or an argument. Days ago, I was really pissed off with some friends and acquaintances but I didn't write down most of my feelings and did not confront them either discreetly or obviously with it. Until today, I found out that they're really not so bad and they have reasons for their actions and words. Not that it made what they said or did right but I understand that they're only human and I have to be patient.

So, wha' happ'ned to my day yesterday? Hahaha. Why am I laughing? Well... it's so... bizarre. I saw you-know-who after quite some time of not having and I knew I was being my unusual self again. At least I didn't say anything stupid to degrade myself. Well... from now... I guess I'll be drifting from those kind of friendships because of something I changed in my life. Ooooh... I'm being very vague. Well, I just don't feel like acting and talking specifics.

DV is not out yet... *sobs* I insanely cannot wait. What will freaking happen? Ugh.

We had Biochemistry lab and it was so exhausting... to the f*cking nth power. We were the monitors for the experiment, Ginia and I, and the spectrometer (Is that right? I bet not.) wasn't functioning properly so the teacher settled us in for a seatwork that was so complicated it burned my head off. I could feel my brain sublimating and I found doing simple equations to be very difficult -- and that's by using the darn scientific calculator! We finished at around 4 pm and I went to the mall to buy a whole box of gloves so I won't worry about running out (for the cat), accounts (yay, they do exist there after all), and I fancied a mini, red mouse that was too cute to pass. It's similar to my old one, with a scroller but it's smaller and very impressive. I'm glad I bought it. Hahaha. Next on my list, more hard disk space. I spent about 80% of my allowance yesterday. Dammit. Plus, I had to buy 2 ice monster orders for my two sisters. I've been promising them some take home. Heehee.

Also, I feel a bit better since I did some relatively nice things. While riding the jeepney, a boy boarded and began wiping people's feets. I politely told him sorry, I can't give him any money and no thanks for wiping attempts. Unlike a lady who screeched and snapped something at him. Couldn't she be a bit more polite? I cast her a glance of distate. While I was buying ice monster, a little boy approached me and held out his hand. I sighed and gave him a tight smile along with a P5 coin. I dunno... it made me feel better than usual but I won't go around having the habit of giving to the poor because I just don't think it's right to always give to them. That's my belief so don't reprimand or hate me for that.

Another thing is that I spent lunch time with my best friend and oooh was nice to her. I had to put very little effort in doing that because I realized that it did come out naturally. I wasn't totally annoyed, irritated or pissed with her anymore. I was not carrying an uncomfortable load on my shoulder and was pleasant 99.9% of the time. Well, ain't that an improvement? I'm proud of how things are going... Maybe things can change after all but I'm sure it won't return to what it was as before.

Ginia is a "dean's lister" again. Hehe... I am happy for her. I always am. It's because she really deserves it and I like her attitude towards that accomplishment of hers. She's not similar to some people who are really too full of themselves and I am really a bitch, I know but I'm kind of pleased to say that some people weren't "dean's listers" for last semester. I couldn't believe it... I mean, I could but it was too good to be true. There, I hope that it pulls them back to the ground. Dear cousin must be so devastated.

As for myself, I don't really have a problem with not seeing my name on the list. I don't hope for that anymore. I don't work hard enough and I don't bother looking for my name. Maybe it's not for me. Will it be too funny if I made a resolution to get myself on the dean's list at least once in my college life? We'll see.

Had a quiz in Plant Taxo lab. Daaamn... almost got a perfect score but was too daft to forget that repens stands for creeping. And that was the damn word I was staring at mostly when I was reviewing and I forgot what it meant. I wanted to stick a trowel in my head. Grr... As usual, when I told dear cousin about it, she has this know-it-all tone again, "It's creeping." Ugh, hate her, I guess. Is that a strong word?

DV DV DV DV DV DV... *sob*

Sprayed the cat a few hours ago. Shit, I realized that I hadn't sprayed it since Friday and it must be in big trouble as in maggot, stench and rigor mortis trouble.

Can't wait. Dad said that we're really moving to the new house this weekend. I desperately hope that's true. I dunno... this house doesn't seem so miserable anymore now that I know I'm leaving it. It's just that I wanna start anew. There's this instinct that comes over me -- I can change for the better in that new house. Hahaha. By the way, my lola was unusually nice when I walked in the dining room hours ago. I swear, I laughed out loud when I was out of earshot and even said to myself (in a real voice), "I must be in an alternate universe." How... odd. She asked me if I was going to eat and I should go on and do it. Without a pinch of dispute in her voice. It's like she broke all her principles by saying that line. It was almost 10 pm and she hates us eating at non-meal hours, she has already fixed the table sets and such, and she was tired. She was really... nice. I cannot believe that I am saying this.

I'll go now. Will reread for Biochemistry, try to read bits on Physics and Comparative Anatomy, then go on with reading fics. Buwahahaha!

Exquisite Irony

2005-01-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

Well, I slept the whole day yesterday. I went up to the room at around 2 am and planned to get up at 6 am but I regained enough consciousness at 5 pm. Greeeaaat. While I was lying down, my phone rang and I could not answer it. It was my grandma (lolo's sister) calling... I was scared. Why the hell would she want to call me?! Shit... she must have found out about my grades. Okay. I was being idiotically paranoid then and so I just held the phone in my hands for about 2 minutes before deciding to answer it. When I answered and said hello, she was gone. Later on, I found out from my lolo that she was calling because she was asking to be fetched. *whew*

Before my mom and other siblings left for QC, my mom came to this room and said, "Bye. Kiss me na." I ignored her but the inkling that she was trying to make up hung upon me. Of course, she repeated it after she talked to my sister and after I kissed her, she said, "Ikaw talaga." Now, I kind of wonder how she knew that I was pissed. Maybe she felt my cold treatment of her or worse, she heard what I was telling Carmz on the phone. I told Carmz that my mom was expecting too much of me and she is so moody, she gets mad at me because my grades aren't very high... unlike some people. *sigh* Anyways, I dunno.... I dunno what to do.

The quiz in nomenclature is later. I studied for that last Thursday already and I dunno if I still remember what I put into memory. Most likely not. Hahaha.

Livejournal is back up and I unlinked my journals from here (for safety reasons) and also friends locked other entries at my journals. Hehe... You'll never know...

Wasn't able to buy for the account! Damn... where can I find those things? We did not go to QC today so I lost my chance. Maybe I should go to Glorietta later? Ugh... I don't know. We're the monitors for the experiment and I left my manual at the department. Wasn't able to retrieve it. Damn. Well, I guess I'll rush that too.

I wonder when I will get around to writing. Every week, there is already a test scheduled and just the knowledge of that is making me nervous. Anyway, it's not like I use the time to study or something. I'm just nervous or overburdened so I can't think well. Gaaah!

Things I plan to do before Wednesday:
1) Review cat muscles - origin, insertion, action
2) Reread Nucleic Acids chapter in Biochemistry
3) Read 5 chapters for Comparative Anatomy

Now... that wouldn't be so hard, would it?
Well... here's to another sleepless night and reading of fics. Also, I'll spare some time later to review those nomenclature stuff. Heehee!

Watched "My Wife and Kids" again today. It's sooooo funny! All time favorite show. Actually, can't choose between it and "Just Shoot Me". Gosh, I just realized I haven't been watching CSI episodes anymore. I am so stupid. I should set an alarm. I always get caught up with the computer.

HP tasks:
1) Write fics!
2) Find more great fics - I do this all the time.
3) DV rant and analyzation - a good one.
4) Fic recommendation entry.

Wahoo! I shall get on with my business now.

Fic Mania

2005-01-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

Gosh... mayhem is going on at my other blog. Well, that was an exaggeration. Not really mayhem but people have been wondering if I "closed" it or if I simply "moved on". Well... I did move the blog to LJ but I had it friends locked... because... because... I dunno. I don't fancy someone reading my blog anymore. It gets annoying, really. When I arrive at school -- hey Pam, you did like this like that? Well, yeah, duh... you read it at my journal so yeah... Ugh. And what question is, "Are you on hiatus?" when it clearly stated goodbye. And to think she's known to be smart. Hmmm...

Did I make a mistake in closing that blog...? No... I think not... I don't have anything to say to anyone...

I made a duplicate of this journal at GJ... which is friends locked and I dunno what the point was. Haha... very funny, eh? Well, I just decided that I wanted to do it. Har har har. And in case I have to back this up, move to a new place because this might be exposed to public again... Although I doubt that (hopes for the best).

So, now at home, the only people are lolo, lola, dad, Gel and me. I also finished reading the whole chapter of Nucleic Acids in the Biochemistry book and that's the coverage for the next exam. Wow. I didn't understand everything fully... yet but I'll do some rereading and scanning of other references. We have a quiz in Plant Taxonomy lab tomorrow and it's about nomenclature so I have to do some memorizations of rules or something. Ekkkk!

Tomorrow, I will buy the P500 account so that I wouldn't have anymore problems. I can't find any at the malls near here. The account is only available (or so it seems) at Glorietta and SM City North Edsa. Daym!

DV... I'm getting so impatient. As for D/G... well, the thread was reopened. I am happy! I posted again and it was a very long post... analysis and very thoughtful insights. (Redundant?)

I lost my weekend this week. Thursday is the Plant Taxo lec exam (it was postponed). Friday, I stay up to 7 pm at school for Comparative Anatomy lab class... 200 point quiz. Saturday is the Plant Taxo lab field trip to collect leaves, I think. Sunday is the Comparative Anatomy lab exam. WTF?! What has the world come to? Huhuhu...

Anyways, from now on, entries in this journal will be cross posted at GJ. For fun... for back up... for whatever reasons.

X! I hope you are okay! Sorry, I wasn't replying through cellphone. I lost battery, had no load and charged only late at night. Just message me for news!

I guess I'll go to sleep now.

Memory Enzymes?!

2005-01-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

Damn, livejournal is down!

Hi! I have so plenty of stories to tell but before that, I want to inform this blog (and its most trusted readers) that I am reading so plenty of stories simultaneously. Not only from online, I'm also reading numerous books, skipping from one to the next and also formulating my own story (which I plan to write as soon as I get my free time) in my mind. I luckily stumbled across more appealing fics... I've read a lot these past few days and wow, I can't believe I have ignored these authors. They are very talented. Of course, I added more to the recommendations list! Hehehe.

Earlier, I opened the Biochemistry module and started reading on Nucleic Acids. At 7 pm (I really promise this!), I will stop whatever I am doing or reading and I will finish that chapter. I wouldn't want whatever happened today (or at any other test for that matter) happen again. Ugh!

Let me tell you about my life since I last blogged here:
I did not attend class that morning of Friday because I planned to consume all of my sleep by then so that the rest of the time until 9 am today I would get to study for the much anticipated very difficult Biochemistry exam. I went to school at 1 pm and worked on the cat, separating the muscles, identifying them - which was surprisingly very easy - and all those things. Got home at 7 pm and I was so tired. My bro was using the PC so I couldn't study here because of the noise. I told him to be done by 1 am so I could get on with my work. I slept at around 9 pm and alarmed my phone. Guess what... I did wake up a few times but I shut my eyes again and drifted to sleep. I finally got up at 4 freaking am and the test was at 9 am! Shit shit shit shit shit and another shit! I haven't read a piece of that 75-page coverage since last year. So, I rushed through it... memorizing the 20 structures of the amino acids in 20 minutes and recalling formulas and purposes of some substances for cleaving. Shit! Big fucking shit! It was such an anxious process. However, I did spend about an hour and 30 minutes of that time from 4 am - 9 am using the internet. Hahaha. I'm such a fucking stupid person, ain't I? Ugh.

The multiple choice part was quite okay... I recognized most of the answers because what I read was a bit fresh in my mind and they were almost purely concepts and immediate application. The problem solving... OMFG... was totally impossible. I stared at it for a total of about 20 minutes. I had no idea what to do. Clueless is an understatement to describe me. But I got around to answering it quite properly when I calmed myself down. I think I even got the "5 points part" correctly because I used the same method and got the same answers as some blockmates did. Well, I hope I was right! Ahh.. I am a very pathetic, useless, mediocre, lazy and worthless student. This has to change. I really lack discipline and perseverance. God!

Before I left for school, I was telling my mom... "It's so hard..." blah blah blah and all those complaints. She replied icily, "You didn't study?" With that piercing, assuming tone of voice. "I did... It's just so hard," I defended. She did not draw back, "Well, maybe you're not studying enough. Lessen the use of that computer."

Hmph. I am angry. I know it's my fault but I can't help but be furious. Plus, I think I caught her in a mood. My tito and tita were at the dining room when I was taking bread from the plastic and I took the break from the middle. My mom didn't say anything. Later, when they left, she was being stern, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE BREAD??!" Annoying. I was like, WTfreakingF?! I haven't talked to her from my own will. I don't plan to, yet. Just won't let people use me to their convenience. Hmph!

Carmz called me earlier. We did a little catching up on life and school events. Haha... we ranted less... that's healthy. Heehee. I told her that I have a fascination for angst. Well, I like it better than fluff or happy tweetums thingies. I don't particularly like angsty people but I'm more into angsty situations and stories... you know. I'd rather read stories, for example, about D/G that are dark and deal with angst than just pure romance wherein they are caught in a moment for seconds and fall into each others arms immediately. Maybe that's the reason why I'm so interested and drawn by the Draco Trilogy. It's dark and there's so much angst between the characters. And the Ginny-loves-Draco-but-Draco-loves-someone-else ground is much more appealing to me than the Draco-loves-Ginny-but-she-doesn't-notice-him-and-so-he-seduces-her. However, I could like that if it is written well and it's not awkward. There are other plot lines too that are very creative and good reads so I won't draw lines anywhere. It's just a matter of imagination. Anyway... there, I am fascinated by angst but I'm not really the totally angsty person who's like... "Oh my gosh, the world has turned it's back on me. I am so down. I am ignored. I am depressed. Oh, woe is me. Look at me, everything here is a fucking mess..." --- Wait a bloody minute... maybe I am that kind of a person... Oh freaking no... Hahaha!

Man, I must stop swearing. But hey, it adds to the effect of sentences. I don't really mean it in a malevolent way so no worries.

I'll go now and study... oh look, I'm really going to do it! Haha... I'm also alone in this house. Dad's going to the grocery. Lolo and lola are at the supermarket... Mom and my other siblings (except Gel, who suspiciously isn't home yet...) are going to spend the night at QC. Hey, it's 7 pm! Baboosh! See ya later, alligator.

Skinning

2005-01-14T02:04:00.000+08:00

Hours ago, I skinned the head of the cat. Had to do that because we're also studying the dermal muscles blah blah blah. However, when I checked later, it seems that I scraped off the muscles too. I hope I was mistaken. Niyahahaha! My youngest sis was with me outside while I was working on the cat and we both looked funny. The formalin really hurt my eyes so I searched for something to cover my eyes with and only got the swimming goggles. Hahaha. Then, I had a face mask on -- from Rosell, she brought it home from Hong Kong. Anyways, I scraped off the skin using dad's amazing tools - scalpel (wow made in Germany), and others. This is so great. In truth, I even attempted to identify the muscles but I couldn't. The drawings in the atlas just don't jive with the actual look. Hmp!

We have an assignment for later... the muscles of the cat - origin, action, insertion - are to be listed (there are like, almost 80) and I did it yesterday so I'm free to surf. Haha. I haven't studied for Biochemistry yet. Damn, I will have a hard time later on... the test is tomorrow... 3 hrs. F*ck! (I wonder why I even bother to censor that.)

Haha.. I'm reading a DG Essay and omigosh... I'm laughing out loud at some points. It's really good and is written by Mynuet, one of the fantastic D/G authors. I'm not claiming that Draco is secretly a wonderfully nice person who is victimized by his father but would really like to frolic through meadows with puppies and butterflies. Tee-hee.

DV has been off to beta for 5 days already! Omigosh... I can't wait until it's out. I have to know what will happen between Draco and Ginny and all the other people there. Man... I just hope it won't come out tomorrow because I must study for the test and I cannot afford any kind of distractions. Shiiiiiit!

Had a slight fight with my mom. I went up to take a bath (after that cat thing!) and I heated the water. She went to the bathroom and said that I could go first but I should hurry. I said give me 5-10 minutes. I went downstairs for a while to wait for the water to be heated. I heard people going in the bathroom and staying there for some time. Later, I emerged from this room and checked my sister's phone then my mom goes screaming, "Haven't you taken a bath yet?!?" and she's all mad. I was like, SOMEONE WAS STILL FREAKING USING THE GODDAMN BATHROOM! Okay, I did not use those exact words but you do get how I was feeling at that time. I hate it when she screams... absolutely annoying! So I ran to the bathroom, slammed the door and afterwards I did not bother heating the water for her. Hmph.

Kill me now. I'm reading "We'll Always Have Paris" in a decent way - as in not like before wherein I just scanned the story and got the gist of it. Anyways, I kind of like it. It's a good story with an absolutely unbearable pairing. Still... I did add it to my fic recommendations. One of these days, I'm going to write an entry that is devoted to those fics at my list and add some details to why I like them and such. One of these hectic days...

We're moving things out by the weekend! Can't wait! I love the house... I wanna live there. But I think we won't have any phone connection for about a week or two. Damn... can I survive? I'll try. Will use up that time to study. Hahaha... who am I kidding?

I'll transfer my old blog to LJ but hey, no one needs to know that. Plus, entries will be friend-locked. Hahaha!

Wish me luck this weekend.

OMG OMG OMG

2005-01-13T13:52:00.000+08:00

I am a very, very bad girl/student. Well, not entirely.

I stayed up until 3 am to study for the Plant Taxo lab quiz, which, by the way, was not happening today and no one bothered to inform me. Great. I planned to sleep until 5 am so I can study for the Plant Taxo lec exam but ended up sleeping until 6:30 am. Great (again). I was doing the usual thing... cramming... flipping through the pages, jabbing information in my brain, trying desperately to know the lesson. Turns out, after waiting (and reviewing) at the classroom, we were told that the exam was moved to next week. Wow, I can't believe it. I got away with it again. I was given another chance. Oh my God! I feel so unworthy. Of course, everyone else was disappointed that it was moved (Can you believe that?!? -- crazy.) but I was kind of relieved because I was not prepared (When was I ever?).

We received the results of the Pant Taxo lab exam. I can't believe it (again)! I expected to fail but I did not and got a fairly good score. Of course, my cousin got the highest again. She has the pangangarir syndrome. Anyways, I got the same score as a girl in class who is very smart, very studious, very hard working, and such. I immediately thought that life is unfair.

By the way, I bid farewell to my other blog. I don't feel like writing in it anymore. I can't express my feelings and thoughts whole-heartedly and precisely because of fear of who might get to read it. I dunno... Was it the right decision? I hope so. There's no turning back now.

I was totally pissed off again today. My dear cousin sits beside me at class and we were rechecking the test papers. She keeps on looking at my test paper. It's like she's trying to see my score. I have to say, she's really very competitive and I'm not in the mood (anytime) to compete with her. We're not at the same level. She's so buried in work all the time and me? School is not what I focus on mostly... I do other things... *read fanfics ahem* *chat ahem* *blog ahem* *sleep ahem*... you know... I bet if I worked to my best potential, I can beat her by a landslide. Okay, I'm very arrogant but I think it's true. I'm just not working hard enough. I never study. I just slide my eyes through the page, recite the words, try to visualize and then feel that I'm ready. Gosh... when will I improve?

Look at me right now, I don't study and my grades are about 10-20 points lower than hers. I dunno... I'm sure that I can improve by 30 points because most of those are received if I just read the lesson -- which I don't do. God... I'm very bloated. Anyways, that is just a theoretical analysis of my potential. Niyahahaha! And I can love myself once in a while, right?

Okay, where was I? She was sneaking peeks at my paper and reading my answers and stuff... I'm like, WHAT THE HELL?!?! Mind your own test. And another thing I dislike about her is that she's freaking looking at the teacher and the teacher says something. Then she goes, What did she say? HELLO! Didn't you hear?! I swear, 75% of the time during lectures she is like that. So I don't go sitting beside her anymore. It can get really annoying. Imagine, she looks like she's listening and I'm concentrating on something or what the teacher is saying then she asks me that and I lose my focus. I am very much irritated by her attitude. I also hate her know-it-all voice. Earlier, I was talking to Ginia and telling her that how could a person get lukemia when they have anemia. Aren't those two different things? And she butts in the conversation with that all-knowing tone, Anemia is an excess in red blood cells and lukemia is when the white blood cells eat the red blood cells. UHM HELLO! THAT WAS WHAT I WAS FUCKING SAYING EARLIER!!!! I especially loathe the look on her face when she's in that mode. ARGHHGHGH. If she becomes a doctor, I wouldn't want to become her patient. Ugh.

I remember we were talking about one of our blockmates who transfered to another school. She asked why and I said it's because of a fraternity (one of the boys told me) and she was like, no I think not. Days later, she brings up the topic again and says, "Oh it was because of a fraternity." Not even bothering to acknowledge that I was the one who said that. I wanted to scream, "I TOLD YOU SO, ARISTOTLE-wannabe." God, I am so angry. I cannot deal with these kind of people anymore. I keep telling that to my mom and she keeps on advising me to IGNORE... IGNORE... IGNORE. Well, she doesn't understand how damn difficult it is to do that. Can you?! Can you?

I hate her fake worrying. "Oh no, the Biochem test is on Saturday. I'm so scared... I might fail... No, I won't, I can't!" She just keeps repeating that out loud when she feels like it. I dunno why she has to do it in public and act like she's so worried. Oh by why, dear cousin... you have a damn tutor to help you. You have nothing to fear. Wench!

To conclude and be quite frank, I do not like that disdainful cousin of mine.

I am considering my old plan to write the story that Xtina and I were talking about. I was thinking about it yesterday and I really like the idea. Haha... but I won't have just anyone read it. Niyahahaha. I can already imagine the way the sentences are constructed, how I will reveal the events, what I will say to show feelings and thoughts, and all those. Haha. But... I'll do it when I find the time. I can't even sit down and start writing the D/G fic I want to. Daym!

Biochemistry lec test is on Saturday. It is a 3-hour test. Surely difficult. We were warned. I guess I'll start studying now. *sigh* But I'll take a nap first. Heehee.

Spongebob Squarepants

2005-01-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

Hi! Yesterday, when I nobly woke up early and attempted to attend Physics lab class, the teacher did not come. Great. And that was the only class I had. So, I wasted every ATP in my body to exhaust energy for nothing. I got back home and slept the whole day. However, that's not the only thing about the day. There is something more important: I FIXED MY STUFF! Yay... all the trash in my numerous bags are in the trash can and I arranged my things so that I wouldn't have a hard time finding books, handouts, and other things. Woopee! Plus, mom said that maybe by this weekend we'll get to move out some things already. Can't wait.

Know why?

Well, I feel that when we move to the new house, I'll get to start anew. I'll be inspired. Haha. This might be just me being idealistic.

Weeks ago, I recall that my friend and I were talking about fandoms and she said that she doesn't care if the HP fandom would disintegrate as long as the Anime fandom remains. Well, I think that anime is universal and it will always exist as long as they keep creating new series. Now, I get to recall my favorite anime shows:

Yu Yu Hakusho (Ghost Fighter), Ninja Senshi Tobikage (Ninja Robots) -- which, frustratingly has no online fan sites, NOT even ONE!, Fushigi Yuugi, and Sailormoon. Hehehe. The old days.

Ships? Hmm... let me see if I can recall... Yusuke/Botan, Joe/Jenny, T(The lead guy... forgot his name!!)/Miaka, and I think the two main characters for Sailormoon but I'm not sure. Ahhh... I won't even bother anymore. Haha.

We have a test later -- Plant Taxonomy lecture. Ugh, plus a quiz in Plant Taxonomy laboratory. Hmph. I guess this is another sleepless night. By the way, I have a large Spongebob-shaped pillow here to accompany me. Wheee!

Okay, I am wringing my own neck. Here I am, reading a D/Hr fanfic. Yes, you read that right and your eyes are fine! I am reading "We'll Always Have Paris" because I want to see if that ship can convince me (not that I want to) but it's nice to see what's on the otherside of the fence. Teehee. *crazy* D/G forever.

Sprayed the cat with lysol and formalin again. Wasn't able to the other day. Anyways, there are still no maggots and it was still a bit moist so no problem there. It stinks... Gladly, I haven't spilled formalin on my skin. It happened to some of my classmates and they say their skin turned rough and it wouldn't return to the original state... Umm... EEEEP!

Erm... just two more tests this week then I can relax! Ugh. Actually, I'm always relaxed.

I'm over the academic pressure thing. I've resolved to stay and not quit. I can do this. I just have to persevere and work hard - haven't done that ever. It's time to be a responsible person and practice discipline. Gosh. This will be very difficult. Only the first departmental exams have happened. I still have hope... and I will not fuck it up.

Defectio

2005-01-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

The test today was also freaking fucked up like yesterday's. I knew nothing. It's my fault anyway. Others complained very verbally that the test was extremely difficult too but I wonder if (like always), they're just saying those things.

We had great fun at PE class. The activity for today was boardgames. We played darts (I tried just once because I looked funny), and cards -- Monkey-monkey, Bluff, Nervous, Black Jack, Poker. We even used coins as "poker chips". Hehe. It was great. We were all going crazy.

When I got home, I saw my mom and she informed me that my younger cousin, Gus, was top 15 at the ACET results. Great. I felt my face flush and I was once again disappointed... with myself. I dunno, maybe mom did not mean to hurt me by informing me about that but I was deeply cut. Maybe I am jealous? All of them get top grades, get in good schools, they all work hard. Me? I am nothing. For days I've been thinking that I do not deserve anything special anymore because I am a very mediocre student. In short, I suck.

I feel so down. When I approached the refrigerator afterwards to get some water, I paused and I just cried. There was no doubt that I was very sad. I could not stop the tears. I felt so bad.

I feel like such a terrible person. Why am I feeling like this at the glory of others? Am I really that selfish? No, I have no desire to be the best at everything but the pressure is really getting to me. Maybe I really made the wrong choice. Maybe med school is not for me. Maybe I should be somewhere else. The thing is, I just don't know where. Is this just one of those phases of confusion? Will this pass and then I can get on with my life?

My head literally ached then and stress came upon me. I wanted to blame someone... something... other than myself. Right now, the garage is being renovated... and it's so noisy. Is that a good enough reason to say why I can't study right now? FUUUUUCK (with the British accent). DAAAAYYYMMM (with the American accent). GODDAMMIIIITTT (with the Irish accent). SSHIIIIIIT (with the Scottish accent). Ugh.

I have failed myself again.

This entry isn't meant to be funny but now that I am rereading a bit of it... it turns out to be something like a joke rather than something that will make me regret. Hmph.

I wanted to blame something. I saw the cat bag and remembered the cat in it. I wanted to kick it --- but I didn't. I might ruin it and fail the class. I wanted to blame the PC -- it's one of my distractions -- but I can't. It has no fault. It just sits there... it doesn't ask me to use it. It's my own decision. I wanted to blame my siblings because they're always playing and I get disturbed... but I can concentrate if I want to, right? So, that just leaves all the fault to me. I am a silly, stupid girl. Forever.

How can I change?

I am worth nothing.

My future will be nothing if I continue this.

Why can't I work well? It's not that I can't study and it's not that I can't get high grades... I just won't do it. I just won't work hard enough. I don't know why. I must be mad. My head hurts.

*sigh* I'll guess I'll try being productive now -- by researching for the lab manual.

This always happens. Again and again.

I'll never improve.

Great.

I can't do this anymore.

Maybe I should quit.

..............

Stupid idea.

I Know That

2005-01-11T13:10:00.000+08:00

Something definitely stinks here in the house... I'm sure it's not the cat. I just sprayed it a few hours ago with Lysol and formalin. ;)

My friend, Carolle, just sent me a YM message. She's from Guam and it's 1:45 am there but she's awake and apparently has some news: PAM!!! Just reaasure me that Tom Felton and little *itch Emma aren't together!!!!!!!

I was like, WTF? Hahaha. Um.. anyway. DAMN! Even in real life D/Hr haunts me?! I swear if I can't take this anymore, I'm going to the boy's website and tell the hell out of him to hook up with Bonnie instead. Hahaha. Hello, it's me, Pam. Just being a crazed real-life shipper here. Okay, I am pa-the-tic but you'll just have to accept me for who I am. *evil grin*

Anyways, to amuse yourselves and calm down from the disgust-----> http://boobless.beautiful-breakdown.org

Eew. I saw a cockroach. It's... weird. It was lying still on the floor and I jumped over it on my way to the kitchen. When I was running back, I accidentally hit it with my slipper and then that's the only time it moved. I swear, these animals are evolving... Rats, roaches... UGH. They're becoming more and more daring. Not scared of slight movements anymore. Hate them!! Just like I hate D/Hr. Hahaha.

Yay! It's My Wife and Kids on Disney! One of my fave shows. So hilarious. "He said I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor almost circumcised my nose." HAHAHAHAHA ROTFLMAO.

So, anyways... it's the Comparative Anatomy test tomorrow and I have to read 6 chapters. I'm thinking if I should skip the first two classes so I can study. Hmm...? I feel terrible. Confused. Torn. LAZY. LAZY bint.

Yesterday... the eyebrows are at work. Hahaha.. I think only Xtina can understand that. And Xtina had a visit from Japan. Hahaha. OMG, I am going ballistic. Weirdly mad.

Emma Watson has these kind of smug looks... and does something with her lips... so much uncannily like Heart Evangelista... o_O

Umm... the girl who's a darn copycat is really scary. Today, she's been staring at me -- this is true. I am not exaggerating. It's so frightening already. Creep that girl is. It's like she's trying to memorize my features, expressions, movements for another of her xerox sessions. Dammit. And she's starting to fight back a bit... not answering my questions eh. Well, two can play at this game. I swore to let her do what she wants and not mind it but hey, this is something I just can't ignore! Bitch!!!!

Slept immediately when I got home and woke up at 9:30 pm. Daym. I guess I'm staying up again. Oooh...

I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos and there's one clip wherein a girl is singing and her little brother is making goofy faces at her back. Omigosh... I swear that little girl looked just like me when I was young. I was staring at the TV and seeing... myself! It's my face! Her eyes are a little Chinese but daym she's so me! Her bro looks like my bro too when he was young but the little boy is thinner.

ROTFLMAO again:

Okay, will post this now. Blog again latah and tell you about the freaking test!! Eeeep!

Putek Na Test

2005-01-10T10:34:00.000+08:00

The Plant Taxonomy lab test was pretty fucked up, I think. Theoretical part: OKAY, I could pass it. Just threw away some five points because of my mediocre analysis skills and laziness. I did not want to analyze further so I checked the easy way out. Damn. It's okay. It's okay. Practical Exam: )(*^#$&)^#$)@#$^&@#) - yes, exactly. I'm sure of about 3 answers and it's not like I did not study or anything. I've had about an hour of sleep and it's still to no avail. The problem is that the things included in the test aren't clearly defined. Therefore, it's really pretty shitty out there. *sigh*

OMIGOSH DV15 is out to beta already. We'll have it within a few days!!! I am so happy. This has cheered me up from that goddamn test.

I went home to sleep so I'll do that now. Have to go back to school at 1pm for Biochemistry lab class. Ick. Then, go home, study for tomorrow's Comparative Anatomy exam: 6 chapters of a very big and fat book. Love it.

I found the CDs that Xtina gave me. They were lost for a while and turned out to be in the van. Yay, now I can listen to some music again.

Can't wait to move in the new house.

Okay, I'll really go sleep now.

Studying is Important

2005-01-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/
ROTFLMAO. You have to check that out.

Oookay, I installed a counter in this site and I am damn surprised. I've had 9+ visitors today? Boo! Who are you guys? *thinks* How weird as less than 5 people know that this place exists. Oh well I just hope they are the fanlisting owners. ;)

Test is later at 7 am -- Plant Taxonomy. Eeep... study study time. I can't take it. I might fail. I dunno what will happen because, to be totally honest, I haven't tried FULL study for any test this college. That's why I am just a passing student. No high grades. I wonder if I tried... well, I am too lazy and have lots of distractions.

Just wanna say that I finally went to our house today. We might move in within a week. I am excited! It's so wonderful. The house is not a large one but it's very homey and I like the way it looks. The family room is fantastic. I wasn't able to see our rooms coz the floor towards the stairs was newly shined and we weren't supposed to dirty it yet. Wow. It is definitely home. However, if cousins or unexpected people just pop in and invade the place (seeing as there won't be privacy then), I will be totally pissed off and I won't hide my reaction.

I "updated" the cat today. With help from my brother, I took it out from the bag, sprayed it with formalin and lysol, then stuffed it back in. Hahaha. It kind of stinks but not so much yet. It's not so disgusting anymore. I find it funny because of my brother's and sister's reactions. Teehee. I am evil to cats.

Xtina has a new layout. Hr/D/G... I have to say that Hermione must not be placed within 200 feet of Draco because Draco belongs to Ginny!!!! Read the DT and you will feel the same way. Gosh.

Okay, okay, will study now!!! Waaah. I'll be back later, after I memorize things.

Warning!!!

2005-01-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt separate -- I was surprised. I did not expect it.

It doesn't feel like Saturday today. I went to school then we had a test -- a freaking test -- I think I passed but I missed some questions because I indentified some bones wrongly. Some known mistakes of mine are about 10 but there are bonuses of 5 points so that's 5 points to spare. Lord, please!

Before I go any further, I have to say something. It's about... him. Hehehe! I did not expect that he would say something to me and it was just a little nothing. When I saw the message, I thought it could be from someone else but noooo it just had to be from him. I was surprised. Very, very surprised. Hmm... So, I messaged him back. Heehee. I am crazy.

Anyways, we skinned the cat earlier. It was disgusting. The cat had shit in its intestine so when we cut of the tail and some fat surrounding it, the poo was squeezed out. Eeeew. I was ready to puke then. We used formalin and damn it hurts the eyes so much. Urgh. I will use goggles next time. Other than those icky things, it was fun. I liked cutting the skin of the cat, separating the fascia and peeling off some layers. Hehe. I brought it home and anyone I ask refuses to take a look at it. I am sad, they aren't interested in seeing my work. Haha. Ginia's my partner and we had fun working together as she's really a good friend and we had a laughing time.

Friday, I did not go online because I studied for the test and had a good night's sleep. I am also very disappointed with myself. I almost failed the first laboratory test. We rechecked it and I passed, but just barely. I know that I haven't been studying seriously and all that shit because I have been doing other things and so I now resolve to change my ways and really be a studious and hard-working student. (Redundant?) Now, I am doing the assignment for Friday. Ain't that grand?

I liked what Xtina said at her blog that New Year's Resolutions do not really count because if you really want to change then why do you have to do it during the new year only? If you're serious about it, then you can change anytime. :)

Plus, we had a quiz that day and I was stupid because I did not study the night before. I was cramming during the day itself and now what happened? Luckily, the teacher decided it would be a quiz by partner. I was fortunate that Ginia was my partner -- she's good in Biology and I was ashamed. I could not look her in the eye because I contributed only about 2 answers to the 60 numbers. And we got a 52 out of 60. I don't deserve it.

Next week, we have tests from Monday to Saturday. Every single fucking day. I have no life. And DV might come out next week? Argh, I have to suffer.. I have to work... DV will always be there but those are the only chances I have to ace the tests. One of these days, I promise, I will be one of the top scorers.

Haven't gotten around to continue reading Eleven Minutes. It's really a good book. I recommend it. But I've been reading a bit of other fanfics now. They're not long ones though... just one-shot fics. I might add more to the list at the side but that will have to wait.

This will be a busy, busy week.

Oh yeah, I've decided to ignore the shallowness of some people. Despite their shortcomings, they're really good friends so I can let them pass that up. After all, I'm not a perfect person myself. Heehee.

Ranting Day

2005-01-06T13:40:00.000+08:00

Let me squee first. The necklace that Passionate Trousers!Draco gives Ginny in DV actually exists in real life: clickety click. I never knew. I thought the picture was an artwork but it is, in fact, the real thing. Huwaw!

GOOD NEWS: Cassie said that DV15 part two will be out by 2nd week of January. That's... erm... next week?!?! *jumps for joy* I can't wait. I'm going ballistic over here, ya know.

Have a test tomorrow. Departmental exam in Zoology lec and quiz (about chicken and cat bones) in Zoology lab. That sucks! I have to study but I will sleep first... after I rant. Gaaah. I am also currently addicted to dalandan. I ate two pieces of that fruit yesterday and I am eating now. It's so juicy. Aaaand I have developed a slight fascination for tea - especially with milk and sugar. Oooh wow, cleansing of system. I will try that again when I go back to Glorietta.

Now on to the rant: I am currently reading Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho and I like it. If you must know, it's about sex, a prostitute, and life in a different country. I brought it to school so I can read if there was free time. During lab class, I read it and one of my friends asks me to show it to her. She reads the summary and says, "Ah, so those are the kind of things you read now..." I was like.... WTF? I wanted to rip her skin off and chop her internal organs. Hello? What's wrong with reading about anything that has to do with sex? C'mon, I see nothing wrong with it. And it's not like I've been reading those things only now -- I have come across stories with lots of sex in them since I was in first year high school. 12 years old. I can't say I like reading them but I have become comfortable with reading those scenes. They're like an argument in a story or even an intense conversation. It won't morph you into an immoral person if you don't let it.

What has reading them done to me? Well, it added awareness but nothing that caused me to do anything obscene or whatever. I never tried it out for myself. I do not want to at the present time (or even before). I am a damn virgin. I do not fantasize about having sex with men or boys that I know. I have never masturbated. See? It's all in the mind. I'm not a pervert or desperate bint who is easily influenced by those things and is too closed-minded to not consider reading them. If you don't read stories with those kind of things, you are missing out on a lot. It's not for personal satisfaction - well, maybe sometimes - but it's for imagination, awareness, appreciation, knowledge and finding art.

The other day, I was chatting with a blockmate of mine and she told me something that she had never told anyone. She has been having "cyber sex" with people that she doesn't know, online. Well... isn't that interesting. No wonder she seems so keen about sex and when she messages me she always shows me these FHM links (I don't read them... they're not art or erotica or enjoyable. They're just... obscene and I draw the line there.), she talks about hot boys, shows me pictures of older men she meets in chat sessions. I was a bit surprised. It was not because I did not expect that she could do it... but because that someone told me about their experience and then I had nothing to say. I wouldn't try it myself, either. Cyber sex does not interest me or spark up any arousal at a bone in my body. No. Haha.

People can surprise you sometimes. They too have their inner demons, desires, and dents. Niyahaha. Since high school, classmates have revealed their experiences to me. It was always first hand. Lesser have I heard it from other people. Now, is there something about me that drives them to speak up? Or maybe because I seem trustworthy. Oh well... I haven't mentioned any names, have I? *evil grin*

If I do get my own experience... you'll be the first to know. Haha. Though I doubt that's gonna happen anytime soon. I'm just not interested. I do not think about sex with actors, singers or even boys I know. Nuh-uh. I'm plainly unready. For now, the reading experience is quite enough.

Next, my Plant Taxonomy teacher recognized me at class. She asked, "You were absent last meeting, right?" I nodded and I was very much embarrassed because everyone was looking at me - you know, those disappointed, accusing looks. Hello! It was something I did ONCE or TWICE?! Do not condemn me. My teacher added, "Why were you absent? Were you still in the province?" I stared at her for about five seconds - to decide if I would lie or not. I think that either I shook my head to signal "no" by myself or an angel took hold of my head and turned it from side to side. There, I did not lie. It was okay afterwards because she did not ask anymore questions and was still nice to me. I thought she would pick on me at class but she didn't. And, I am happy for her because she's pregnant. Heehee.

As for the absenting thing, MY GOD, THAT WAS YESTERDAY! WHY CAN'T SOME CONTROL FREAKS GET OVER IT? They were asking me, "Why were you absent?" They don't deserve the truth. I told them I thought I had allergies and when I was ready to go to school it was too late. Then they all go, "You should have still come to class. Ma'am left us anyway." Duh, how was I supposed to know? I'm not ominiscient... unlike you guys. Hmph and another hmph. I really despise the tones they take. They think they're so noble. They think they know everything.

You'd think that people at my school would be a bit more open-minded and liberal than usual but noooo.... they're all so uptight, so obsessive compulsive, so compliment and praise hungry, so airheaded, so snobby, and so cliqued. It hurts me to be within range of their personalities -- I can't believe that despite their intelligence in academics and [corrupting others for their own sakes], they are so disappointing in their attitude department.

Blah blah blah... it's time to log off. Maybe I'll come back later. Hahaha.

Can't wait for DV update.
Can't wait for HBP book.
Can't wait for GoF movie.
Can't wait until I have changed to become a better person.
Can't wait until I can tolerate things so I can stop ranting all the time.
Can't wait until Draco falls in love with Ginny in DV or realizes he's really in love with her.
Or maybe I can't wait until Ginny dies in DV and Draco regrets everything and lives a miserable life. Hmph. After all, he's still caught up on Hermione, who is just too perfect oooh everyone loves her. Why won't she die yet? (Ooops, it's bad to wish death on someone but hey, this is a fictional character.) Just the mere loving Hermione instead of Ginny reflects badly on Draco -- Hermione is a hypocrite!

ENOUGH

God, I have to get to work. Eat, sleep, study.

Unrest

2005-01-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurtures the disease
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill
The uncertain, sickly appetite to please

My reason, the physician to my love
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except

Past cure I am, now reason is past care
And frantic mad with ever more unrest
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are
At random from the truth, vainly expressed

For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

Wow... Arabella, one of the authors of Rising From Ashes, posted that at the group as one of Shakespeare's sonnets that exactly depicts the story. Well, I am getting more and more into literature -- books -- right now and so I am gaga all over this stuff. *crazy*

I have some little studying and answering of pages to do for Plant Taxonomy. Nothing heavy, I think so I'll have to do it now. Haha, here I go again. Well, I don't feel like sleeping -- really -- and so I'll stay up the whole time (again). So I won't be aggravated later, I'll finish it now and just have internet fun and chatting with Joan. Heehee. At least someone still accompanies me at this time.

Added new recommended fics, ratings and also changed my icon. Heehee... :)

I might blog again later just for the sake of it.

Mistakes

2005-01-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Today, I woke up fifteen minutes later than usual and that had caused my day to go down the drain and label myself scum -- but then again, knowing myself, not really.

I woke to find the bathroom door locked and my sister was taking a shower inside. God knows I lost all hope of going to class then. My sister takes about 30 minutes of the day to prepare for school inside our ONE bathroom in the house. Class is at 7am and you will be labelled 'absent' if you come after 7:30am. At that rate, I was doomed. I gave up all hopes of attending the class and so I went down to eat breakfast. Soon enough... about 30 minutes later, my sister emerged from the bathroom and I just rested my head on my hand with my elbow on the table and I resigned myself to another unproductive day.

Mom and dad asked if there were classes. I lied and said maybe there was none just like always and they got mad at the school system.

Before I fell asleep, I talked to God. I told Him that I knew He would punish me for this. I really knew that. If only He would cancel the class, not let the teacher arrive just as she had not every meeting last year, or have the lab not be prepared for use. I slept and my guilty subconscious made me dream. A real nightmare that I knew had to do with what happened before I slept. I woke to find a text message from a friend. She asked me if I was okay and if I was sick. There was class today and they worked on experiment one. Great. I knew it. But I didn't do anything. I am just as stupid as I was four years ago. I haven't changed. I have only been pretending.

What do I mean by this?

I was never a studious student. I am never one who works in advance. I have other priorities and I do what I want to do. I love taking risks. I cannot settle for things that are only normal, daily activities that people do on standard. I cannot be a noble person who does everything right, chooses the hard path, and lives a life with no deadly or condemning secrets. I only studied more because that was what everyone was doing. If I didn't, I was an outcast. I am wasting my life. I have no direction. That wasn't me -- I only had to do it. If I changed, I would be comfortable with the new person I am and never go back to what I was. However, I did. Most of me is still the old me. This is wrong. Before, I always say that I will be good, I will study because that is what will decide my future -- why can't I seem to do it? What is wrong with me? I don't know. I cannot think of this now. I will be wasting more time, I have to do other things.

Time is really important.

Over the Christmas vacation, I must have realized and rediscovered my freedom that's why I'm not afraid to take wrong risks and resume my old life. That's why I began reading hard copy books again. I read only snippets of online fan fiction and articles. I have turned back to my books and I am fascinated by them. A good thing that this has done to me is that my imagination is back. My mind is a bit sharper and I have felt the meaning of the lines again. You can only learn so much from a book but it can help you when you are thinking, especially of life problems.

I'm babbling again. I know that I do not make sense because I'm immature. Maybe the way I look is just right for my soul and my mind because I'm still young. I do not feel that I am 18 years old. I do know what is right and what is wrong but I fail when I choose what to do. Stupid, silly little girl.

Ironically, my lola -- or tita, as we call her, who helped me with school arrived earlier. She asked me why I wasn't at school. Didn't we have classes? I said no. Liar liar. Okay. I feel even worse. So I swore this won't happen again. Ever. Can I really promise that? No but when I come across that situation again when I have to do something important, I will not fuck it up.

What's been holding me up is school. I cannot be myself. I have to be someone who will make people proud. I have to be industrious, smart, nice, and hard-working. I can't be that all the time. What's even more difficult is that when one does something wrong, it's not even the school or the teachers that reprimand you for it. It's your own classmates, fellow students who make you ashamed. They whom are the ones that are supposed to understand what you're going through because they are almost like you. No, they have to keep up appearances and the future. If I put a toe out of line then --- I am an outcast, I am different, I am evil, I am stupid, I am irresponsible.

Sometimes I think that I do not deserve to be in that school. I know I can work to gain that privilege but I just won't do it. I do not know why. Maybe I can't see what's in it for me... but I can -- good future, wonderful job, respect, admiration, security, no regrets. Maybe I am scared of competition because others are already at an advantage -- they have been doing this all their lives. Maybe I don't enjoy it and I want to do other things -- is this a justified reason? Was it a mistake that I forced all the powers of the universe to put me in that school? Should I just have gone to where my friends were and missed all of this? I do know that I did no wrong in accepting my entrance to that school because my parents would pay less. I am not a good student. I am not worthy of a P100,000 or more tuition fee. I do not merit a school with newly painted walls, large grounds, rich people and easy tests. I have to work for that prize of mini tuition.

I feel worse than ever thinking of these and putting it in text. My head is held down in indignity and I know that this feeling is justified.

Life isn't perfect. You have to make sacrifices.

If people, especially my friends, knew who I really am, they wouldn't want to be friends with me or even want to know me. I am a horrible person. I don't kill others, I don't betray others, I don't spite others... I just kill, betray and spite myself. I can't do anything right. It doesn't affect anyone but myself and I think that's worse than ever -- destroying your own. It is what will make them despise me.

But I will do things better the next time around. There is always room for mistakes but I can't take up all that space. After all, if the room is crowded, it will be harder to breathe.

So Hungry

2005-01-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

SHIT SHIT SHIT! I was taken by surprise --- for the umpteenth time. Why does he have to catch me at unexpected moments... all the time? Ugh. But really, he's just like his friend. Both of them ask me the weirdest questions. Like, hello... it's not a set of questions I would ask them simply because there are definitely other people I can ask. *sigh* Life. It confuses me.

Went to National RP today and damn those people have been living under a rock. They don't know that HP HBP will be out by July and they refused to believe me when I told them so. I wanted to reserve the book, you know. Well, I won't be buying it from them, that's for sure! Hmph.

Was lucky at school today. I didn't attend the first class (this was a bit unlucky) as I took so long in the bathroom contemplating some fan fiction -- DV. It's so playing with my mind. I really can't wait for the next part of the chapter. So, had a bit of a great time at Plant Taxo lecture - time was swift. I didn't notice it pass. We did not have Biochemistry lab simply because the chemicals weren't ready. What luck! Hehehe.

I bought pink pad paper. I like it. It's a change from the yellow pad we always use. Heehee.

Now, I have lots of things to add to my school bag -- so that means I'll be using the large bag most of the time. Organizer (from Ces), purse (from my cousin) that contains daily money, coins, ID and such... and wallet (from Xtina), for cards, extra money and receipts.

Finished the problem set earlier. Actually, it's not fully done. I'll just copy the very few blanks from my studious classmates tomorrow. I can't answer those. They're so hard! Ugh. I wrote the answers on paper earlier while my mom, sister and me were watching Freaky Friday. We also watched Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. It's nice but I like the first one more.

Yesterday, my sister and I watched So Happy Together. I'm sorry to say that I did not like it. It's so kalat and has so many useless characters. I think it was a movie that was quite pointless. I am not surprised that it did not win any awards. The flow was dragging and it had a very jumpy plot. Nova Villa was the best thing about the movie. Other scenes were not really funny. I'd still go for Aishite Imasu any day.

I really think that Draco is the Half Blood Prince.
I now ship Draco/Ginny and Lucius/Narcissa. Heehee!

Gave away 3 gifts to friends at school -- Ginia, Jill and Faye -- them only. I dunno, I must be really bad but I don't give gifts to certain people if I don't feel like it. What's the point of giving if you're only doing it because you need to or want to prove something really absurd? Best to do it from the heart. Haha. I am crazy.

Deluded.

Must be the effect of the shock that we are attending school this early in the year.

Was reading a friend's journal... she's a close friend of mine. Carmz. I read that she wrote something about an old friend of hers and that they've grown apart. Plus, she talked about having discussed suicide with this friend when they were depressed and that they considered doing it together...

I feel haunted. A bit. I hope she's fine now. I don't get to talk to her much.

Should I sleep?

YES!

Happy New Year

2005-01-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

Well, too bad... was too lazy to post January 1st - nothing's changed, eh? Actually, I've posted at my other journals, everyone's demanding with the phone and internet, and we had to go places. Before anything else, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I do want to make a resolution list but the problem with me is that I don't really follow it so I won't make one this year.

Classes start tomorrow. I have to finish a lot of studying and assignments. Doesn't that suck? I guess I'll be spending less time in the fandom. Huhuhu. Hate school. It's so demanding!

Must. Get. To. Work. Now. Now, Pam. Yes, now. (I seem to have a hard time convincing myself.)

There's about 5 hours left in my internet card. Poor me. I have to load more - wasn't able to buy one yesterday because I just slept the whole time. Later, I'll go to HP with my sis, reserve book 6 (I will in as much bookstores as I can) and buy TWO cards. Haha!

By the way, I received another bag for Christmas. I have 4 blue bags in total. Hmm... but I like it. I think a bag is a wonderful gift. Shoes is second but hey, who gives away shoes? Hehe.

I have a new ship... call me weird. It's Lucius/Narcissa. I just read this story during their 'courtship' days and it's really interesting. I still HATE D/Hr with a passion hmpppph! Draco/Ginny, of course, my one true pairing, will never be abandoned. Harry/Hermione is a given ship for me. Ron/Luna is nice but I don't like reading it - odd but that's how I like it. Hmmm... but I'm still a sucker for love triangles. Ah!

Waah have to start now. I've been thinking of a lot of things and they just make me intensely angrier or crazier than ever. *sigh*

Raving Mad

2004-12-31T08:31:00.000+08:00

Hi, I didn't blog yesterday at this place because my brother kept on making impatient noises since he wanted to use the PC already. What a freak.

Erm, I'm really pissed off. You see, I'm reading feedback on a Hr/D/G story. Everyone there is a D/Hr fan and I'm sorry to say but those reviewers are really stupid. Idiots. Unreasonable. Bitches. And all those you know whats. I hope it ends D/Hr.. I really hate D/G... I loathe D/G... Ginny is such a bitch... I hope Ginny hurts Hermione and Draco will hate Ginny... blah blah blah. I know that I do say I hate D/Hr and loathe D/Hr but eeep I saw too many childish reviews. Excuse me but I will put one here as an example of a mindless one:

I am anti draco/ginny and ron/hermione
Draco is my hero... and Ginny... no...
Draco is like... achellies and Hermione is like... the prietess girl (troy)
o better one... Draco is like Aragorn and Hermione is like Arwen... from different worlds but perfect together... and Ginny is Egwene (cant spell) and harry is formoror (cant spell that either)

Ha! At least she knows she can't spell! It's freaking ACHILLES, EOWYN and FARAMIR! God... I could literally shoot some people. It would be hilarious if they weren't dissing D/G. Hahaha... sorry I can get angry about these things. It's so annoying!

And what kind of a fan spells Draco as Dreaco? Creeps.

Watched Aishite Imasu with friends yesterday. It was good. Dennis Trillo is my hero. Hehehe. Ang galing niya. Well, I won't post a review here anymore since I already did at my other blog. It'll be too much reviewing something twice. Hee.

Xtina told me about Sigaw. Okay, I had a little bitty hard of a time sleeping last night because of that. We have double deck beds and I'm the only one on the upper bed and I can't help but think of the floating above-dripping blood-image scene. Eeek! I also had a dream that I was having a dream about Iza Calsado (correct?). Gaaah, imagination!

DV15 part two is taking so long. I don't mean to be unsympathizingly impatient but I really want to know what will happen between Draco and Ginny. Now that Draco will go blind... and will Tom try to prove to Draco that Ginny is his? Will there be a T/G/D triangle? What will happen?! Cassie said there will be death scenes and moments of turbulent passion. *sigh* Have to wait for everything. As mom always says, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE. God, why am I so virtuous? Ha!

Have to study. As in really really really really no joking study anymore. It's Friday. Classes start on Monday and I think we have a test by then and more tests during the week. Eeep... not reviewing will definitely be suicide.

I hate copycats! Hello!

Blah Blah Blah

2004-12-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

Argh, my grandpa wants to use the phone... again. We already bought him a cellphone. Why doesn't he use that?! Ugh... Plus, what a really sick joke his reason is to call. What? About the bank? To my tito? What the hell? Huh? Once more please! I don't get the point! Sheesh. Earlier he asked to use the phone already. Why didn't he call then? Grr. Annoying! Honestly.

I've been reading Sherlock Holmes mysteries from the internet - I downloaded them. Gosh, I have forgotten how amazing those stories were. I bought a book once, I want to read it again unfortunately my cousin took lots of my books and brought them to his house. Even the Shakespeare ones. Dang, just when I wanted to read Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet *D/G cough* Hehe...

I am also reading GoF again. Hell, I've got nothing to do. I'm not much in the mood of fan fics right now. I am actually confusing myself by reading so plenty of stories at once but it's a good exercise. Never again can my mom say that I haven't read anything.

Right now I am beta-reading for someone. It's kind of weird... well, I hoped I would only correct her story for grammar mistakes and language and such but the plot kind of bothers me. There's something too fast moving and erm, sexual but not anything obscene. Okay, it's actually how things also happen in normal life or other stories maybe but the way it's written is kind of... awkward. It's sort of a driving force thing. Ah well, it's tolerable and I'll just see how I can help with that. ;) Gosh, I can't even write my own stories and now I'm beta-reading. I am such a loser.

Speaking of stories, I recovered the Rocks, Sand and Stone one... the one I wrote before starring Xtina, Me and Alex. Hahaha! I haven't finished it... I'm not sure if I will get to because I forgot what I was planning to happen. Niyahaha - will have to rethink. I guess I'll post that at the livejournal archive of unfinished and not sure to be finished thingies. Whee! :p Hehe.

Reader's Digest for January 2005 just arrived in the mail. Avril Lavigne is in the cover and whoa... I'm surprised (kind of) to see that her hair is really, really long already. And what work she must be doing to it. I know that she originally has very curly hair and now it's all straight to the roots.

Urgh, schoolwork haunts me. Have to do it now!

ROTFLMAO

2004-12-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA! I am laughing my ass off here... this has got to be one of the funniest fics I have ever read. I totally recommend it. Half through the first chapter and I am already clutching my stomach. It hurts so much. Gawd.

Albus Dumbledore's Inbox

Hahaha!

So, what's up with me? Well, I've been reading fics in recommendation. Mind you, these aren't even D/G ones. I tried checking out the stories that are gen, slash, whatever. Anything that are other people's favorites. Haven't read them all yet. I saved them first in my hard drive. Gosh... most of them are 29+ chapters long. I guess I'll be busy waiting for HP HBP. Haha.

Also discovered that book six US edition will have the purple cover. UK edition will have the red cover. Hmm... wonder what I'll purchase this time around.

I'll be making Troy icons just because I want to and because I can. Niyahahah!

Should be studying and researching by this time. I feel so stupid already. I can't remember a single term from Biology class. Sheesh! Pa-the-tic.

So I guess I have to really start doing that Biochemistry lab report and after chapter exercises. Damn.

And I still dislike fanon Hermione. Hmmm... I tried... to read this story, We'll Always Have Paris. It's really good but it's D/Hr. You know I don't like that pairing. Hehe. Come to think of it, I don't really not like Hermione. I like her fine if she's paired with Harry or Ron or no one. Just. Not. With. Malfoy. Weird... it squicks me in a really squicky way. Hahaha!

At around 1 or 2 am, I woke up to the sound of my grandma making some noise again in our room. Damn her, she's such a BITCH! and a DEVIL! and a BANSHEE! Hell! Yesterday, she kept screaming for help again because her back hurt and when I went to help her she still complained that I came only when she called. What a bint. She just likes to open her annoying mouth. So I yelled in frustration then left and sat with my sister.
5-year-old-sis: Ate, there's something wrong with lola.
Me: Haha... right you are. What do you think's wrong with her?
5-year-old-sis: *crunches up her face* She's always mad!

HAHAHAHA! Exactly.

Anyway, this early morning I was so pissed but I caught something she said, "Bad sleeping habits, bad eating habits, bad study habits..." Well, she may be right but f*ck her, really! Why doesn't she just stay cooked up in her goddamn room and rot there?!?! Hmpppphh!

Well, I'll go lighten up and continue to read Albus Dumbledore's Inbox. Heeeheee.

Shitheads!

2004-12-26T05:34:00.000+08:00

Argh... we have a situation here again. I'm in the den, using the PC (have been since 11 pm yesterday) and am locked out of my own room. The doors to rooms are locked because, apparently, there was an attempted break in. The garage door was 'sawed' open a bit. Lolo thought the dog did it but c'mon, it couldn't have. It was lost for days, came back the other day sick and is now safely home. Why the hell would he knaw on the door? Anger is building up inside me again. I hate criminals... they are deplorable and I cannot fathom how they live with their guilty conscience. That is, if they still posess that. Hmph. I am also scared out of my wits so I have the door here locked. Argh!

At a site, I saw larger versions of the latest GoF pics. Omigosh... Harry's eyes are green. Like, WOW! That is amazing... yay! Hehehe.

I decided not to join the fan fiction contest this year... I'll just join others sometime or maybe that one next year. Thing is, I got lost reading other stories again, was overcome with rage regarding the safety thing, couldn't put ideas into words, realized that I don't have much time and the end of all of it is -- I just didn't write anything. I am terribly feeling guilty.

No one's online right now. I'm alone. No one to talk to. They're all sound asleep. *sigh* I'm just watching Will & Grace right now. By the way, I missed the SNL episode wherein Hugh Jackman hosts. DARN!

Watched Bridget Jones' Diary yesterday at QC... man, I'm really starting to think in British with the accent. Hahaha. Plus, I received more gifts - a bag, which is absolutely wonderful and very useful and a shirt. My tummy hurt during mass - like I was about to you know what. Well, I just did that when I came home and it wasn't as *large* as I expected. There's something wrong. Maybe it's all air? Haha.. enough of this lunacy.

I do hope that one of these days I'd get to write my fic/s. I really want to write them. Haha. I have to start studying though... 1 week... eeep... I'm going back to school again. Bugger.

Lastly, I would be a terrible liar if I said that I wasn't surprised that a certain, erm, pare did not make any holiday greetings this year. Weird... Haha... as if. Well, I sent that person a text message but I did not hear anything from him. I wonder why. Oh well... nothing changed with me. I sent a holiday message to everyone as I do every Christmas. Heehee. We'll just have to wait if he does something in the New Year. Argh... have to come up with resolutions! I know what'll be #1 in my list.

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

Wahoo! I opened three or four or five gifts today. I'm already 18 years old so I get mostly money on Christmas... less gifts. Huhuhu. But I am glad coz I got a new bag, Spider-man towel from my sister, Troy VCD from my other sister and a darn picture frame wrapped in newspaper from my dear brother. Hahaha!

Seriously, I REALLY WANT TO GO TO SLEEP. I slept for about an hour earlier but it's not enough. I'm just not like Donald Trump who can go through with his life with only four hours of sleep per day. I am a sleep-greedy girl and so I have to sleep. However, I really want to join that fic contest. I haven't written the fic yet and the deadline is tomorrow, 12 am PST. Goddammit! Ooops... sorry for swearing now, it's Christmas day. I am an idiot. I must write now. Yes, I have enough inspiration. I have enough time but later we will be going to mass and then to QC to visit our relatives there. What to do... Hmm...

I got another watch for Christmas. A blue Gucci one. Wow... Hehehe. By the way, at the Noche Buena, we had a program - charades. Our team won. Everything was so funny and cheerful... it's one of the best Christmas parties. Although, we all miss Tita Maret. I know she's happy where she is. :)

Have started downloading songs again -- hmmm... I dunno if I've mentioned this before. Plus, at the party, everyone had toned down. Less people remarked about my height - hmph - and everyone was smiley-smiley. I was able to forget about how I looked in the clothes I was wearing. I spent about 20 minutes in front of the mirror debating whether or not I should wear the combination. I looked a bit chubby. Oh well... I forgot all about it when people just kept telling jokes and stuff. Now, this is definitely the Christmas spirit.

Oh no, school will start soon -- I have to being my study sessions. Argh, I really hate doing that.

Well, I'll go try to write the fic/s now. :) Wish me luck!

Something Infinitely Interesting

2004-12-24T11:03:00.000+08:00

Ha! I have gained the upper hand. I mean, I woke up extra early today... like 5:30 am and used the PC. Hehe... everyone else was still asleep so I got first dibs on the net and quiet, peaceful time typing things. I'm going to start writing the fic now and hope I don't get any interruptions. Hell, the deadline for submission is on the 26th! I really am a crammer... procrastinator... I hate myself for this. It affects everything I do. In short, I lack disclipline.

Why? Well, I always fall asleep when I try to write. Second, I spend most of my time reading fics... I discovered a whole lot more so I'll go link more of what I've found, read and liked. Some D/G friends have been writing, er, smut and I took up some courage to read them. Hmm... what can I say... Well... they're really *HOT* and yes, in that sense, big bold letters. I have to hit myself on the head. Some people are very, very imaginative. And no, I won't link them... ask where if you like. HAHAHA!

By the way, I forgot to mention, I dreamt days ago that it was my brother who died. It was really weird and tragic and scary... so real too. I could feel my anger towards him in that dream and felt a bit happy that he was gone. Eerie, eh? Totally. I told my mom about it again and she's wondering why I'm having all these 'death' dreams. Though she says they're good signs, according to the dream book. Hmm...

We're going to the family annual Christmas party/celebration later on. I have what I'll wear. A skirt and top, both beige, and they were really expensive -- a gift from my grandpa. Gawd, the skirt is pencil cut and I must say that pencil cut does not suit my damn legs. I have to lose more weight. Hahaha! Ugh, I'll be seeing some people again later and have to put up with their "Oh blah blah is taller than you"s and some annoying questions about school. Dear cousin will be there and I dunno, it's not justified (or maybe it is), I don't like seeing her especially since she does make me so miserable at school.

I came to a realization about something. There is absolutely no one at the university that has the potential to be a very, very close friend whom I can call anytime. Okay, I've met some new people and really interesting and smart ones at that but there's nothing else. They're very cheerful, fun to hang out with and completely witty people but there is a problem: They do not share my interests. Yes, that is so true. Who can I talk to that likes The Calling? No one! They all like the 'in' bands and songs nowadays, some even call Alex gay - I will stab them for that later - and some have never even heard of TC songs that haven't appeared on Mtv or Myx for that matter. No one is as obsessed with Harry Potter as I am. Oh yeah, some are excited that the next book and movie will be out next year but that's that. Who reads fan fics too? Who writes fan fics that I can read? Who screams for D/G or any other ship that requires you to read into the canon just a little too deeply? No one! Argh, it's frustrating. No one spends time online like I do... when they see me online they're surprised but not surprised - You're here! Kanina ka pa online ah! Natulog ka na ba? *sigh* They're all studying, doing good, saving the whales and segregating garbage.

Another thing I noticed is that these people have somehow influenced me - in a good way - but not to the extent of morphing me into a new person. This is because I have been studying... and it's not because I want to. It's because I have to. I hate that feeling. Everybody's doing it so I have to do it too. It is for my own good, I understand that but I'm not really the very studious person next door. In high school, I never studied seriously for tests. I was always flipping through my notes minutes before the test. I never took those study sessions religiously. Now, if I don't read in advance, I am doomed... forever shamed and I'll be left behind. However, I still like fun and so I do other things too - go online, read, write, watch TV, listen to music - and surely I enjoy them by a landslide more than, ugh, doing schoolwork.

Enough babbling... gotta write that fic. :)

Poor Me...?!?

2004-12-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday the cable was busted. Okay, so no Lovers In Paris, no My Wife and Kids, no Myx Daily Top Ten, blah blah blah. Fine... I could live. Now, my three siblings are all over the computer and internet. They always want to use it. They're taking away my time and enjoyment! Argh... my brother plays his stupid Ragnarok. My sister chats on YM forever. My other sister always goes to the Neopets site. Hmph... haha, how grand of me to speak, one who spends the net reading HP fan fics and blogging. Well, I was first so let them do other things!

I tried to write my fic last night. Couldn't do it. I fell asleep. I want to write it now by my brother is freaking bothering me coz he wants to use the net. Hello! He used it the whole time last night as in the AM hours... which used to be my time of use. He used it in the morning too. What a greedy person -- look who's talking. Hahaha. Well, the deadline for the feast contest is on the 26th so I have to slap my ass and write now or I'll never get to enter. I already have these ideas in my head. I just have to write it. Sheesh!

Asked mom to reserve HBP when she gets to the bookstore. If she hasn't done it, then I will visit bookstores personally within the next week and reserve myself. Plus, a friend told me she tried calling but no one was answering. Bummer. Oh my gosh... this reminds me... mom asked me to wrap some gifts. She'll be home soon so I have to get to work. Oh, who am I fooling, those are A LOT of gifts...

Dare You To Move

2004-12-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

July 16, 2005 - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince will be out. Omigosh. I'm going bananas over here. I can't wait. Won't be able to sleep for a week, I guess. I have already saved money for that book. Can't wait. Can't wait. I am so impatient. I also saw some GoF pictures. Like, wow.

Plus, a certain someone talked to me and I was so surprised. Like, WTF world, WTF?!

My brother is talking to me again. Hahaha.. he has to use the net but I said later. Hehehe... well, he probably forgot all about the P50 thing. Niyayaya. Anyway, the CDs Xtina burned for me are missing. I think he hid them out of wrath.

Am downloading songs again now that the speakers are working. Wahey!

I'm really going to write a semi-short-longish D/G fic that I will enter to a contest. Know the prizes? Well Slytherin scarf, Gryffindor scarf and Draco Malfoy's wand. Haha. This should be taken seriously.

DV15 part two will probably not be out this year. *sigh*

Stalker

2004-12-20T22:58:00.000+08:00

OMFG - miss-little-oh-c'mon-copy-cat is at it again! She freaking copied my blog site format. You know, the one with the text graphics with the labels "profile" and "entries". WTF?! Why the hell can't she come up with her own stuff since she's sooooo smart, huh?! Annoying, really. I have actually stopped bothering with ranting about her but I was taken by surprise [again] and I am so pissed off! What a bitch...?!?!!

I finally own the PoA DVD... Bought it yesterday and I fixed the speakers of this PC - so, I got to watch the movie and special features. The DVD has the trailers for the first three movies and I must say that these aren't the trailers I've seen on TV or the movie houses for that matter. They were extra long trailers and in a fairly new sequence to me. Hehe. I also watched the interviews... Emma Watson *is* acting like some diva. Rupert Grint seems very shy and I think he's a really humble guy. Daniel Radcliffe is one smart boy. Tom Felton was not as 'charming' as I had expected. Everyone was commenting on how wow he was in the interview and that he winked and they were all swooning about it. Now that I've seen the clip, well, he's a really confident guy and somehow appealing but I wasn't over the top about him. As for the wink, I almost missed it had I not glued my eyes completely open. I am fond of the twins - James and Oliver Phelps. Hehe.

A lot of people hated the shrunken head in the interview parts but sometimes I found it hilarious. Well, not exactly it but it as the object of ridicule. There was one part wherein the head said that he would do well as a wizard and the interviewer, who was constantly teasing the head that he had no body, said, "Yeah, especially with a wand." Haha... I'm delusional, but I really found it funny. I laughed out loud and my sister, who was sitting beside me, shot me an are-you-sane look. The other funny part was during the interview with the Dursleys and it was ending actually when Pam Ferris [who plays Aunt Marge] says to the head, "Sit!" as she does in the movie. I barked with laughter then and also after the head says, "I can't." Hahaha. Gosh, I'm really crazy. It doesn't seem funny, does it? Hoo boy.

Well, the DVD rocks. I'm glad I bought it. Can't seem to play the games though because the sequence just keeps repeating itself when I make a slight move of the mouse. It was odd and irritating.

My sister gave me the Troy VCD set for Christmas. I'm so happy about it - more Eric Bana to see and better video quality. Ha! While watching it, I found myself knowing the lines by heart and reciting them with beautiful expression - please don't laugh at me. I really like that movie so much but I just don't get why people would prefer Brad Pitt over Eric Bana. Hmmm... *ponders the meaning of existence*

I am officially a Minesweeper addict. I catch myself playing it for a full hour instead of starting to write my fic. I've fully mastered the art of it and the only reasons why I click on mines are: 1. slip of the mouse 2. stupidity 3. wanting a new game. My best times are 13, 49 and 190 for beginner, intermediate and expert, respectively. I could have gotten a 165 for expert but I was such an idiot... Huhuhu. I yelled in frustration. Hehe.

Found a new fic worth reading. I can't decide if it's D/G or D/Hr (which I loathe with a passion). There is a triangle - hooray, I found one with my favorite triangle! Okay, I kind of contradict myself there because I like the Hr/D/G triangle but I don't like D/Hr. Well, it's complicated, really. Anyways, the fic is Eternal Enemy and is located at Fanfiction.net. It's not yet completed but I hope the author posts the next chapter soon.

Mom lost her wedding ring. Argh... how frustrating. It could be anywhere in Glorietta. It just slipped off her finger. We searched for it but didn't uncover anything.

I'm reading K-ZONE, a magazine that my sister always buys. There's an HP feature in it. OMIGOSH... I just read that the Draco-turning-into-a-ferret scene will be included in the movie. Ha! I didn't expect that. Can't wait for the movie. I wanna see the Yule Ball. I wanna read the next book. Potter fever hasn't left me yet - I can't be cured anytime soon. Moreso, the rumor that book 6 will be out next year sometime in June seems to be getting stronger as Amazon.com sent me an email and blah blah blah. Heehee.

Bought some new pants... 2 for P450. Hope that was a good bargain. Plus, I like the way these pants fit me. Haha. :)

My brother still isn't speaking to me. Hmm... P50 must be such a big deal.

Have to study.... SHIT! But I swear I'm going to write the fic first. And... I wonder who'll be the first to read it. Hahaha.

Twigged

2004-12-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

My brother is an idiot. He lost P50 because he left it lying around and now he's accusing me of taking it. He even owes me P20 and refuses to talk to me so he hasn't paid me yet. Asshole. Well, if he's gonna ignore me for the rest of our lives because of a measley amount of money then I don't give a damn. Haha... like I care. He's just a fucking fag. I hate the way he slams the doors and mutters comments. He's very disrespectful... has no values... very selfish (uses others' internet load and when it's his time to pay, he keeps it all to himself)... a wanker... lazy... stupid and I hate his disgusting guts. Can't believe I'm related to the guy.

We went to EK! It was so much fun... we went on lots of rides. Wow, the Space Shuttle was still freaky as ever. Rode it twice. I was drenched the most. The falls of the Rio Grande Rapids was timed on me. I was seated in front during the Log Jam and I got full blast of the splash. Urgh. Haha... Well, it was so great. I'm glad our block was able to go through that experience. Heehee.

I realized that the fandom is scarce of Hermione/Draco/Ginny triangles in stories. I swear, I've only read about 5 so far. That's all... I've searched everywhere. Maybe it's a sign... I should be the one to write that. Hmm... but I'm not very confident about my fics. I only show them to friends. I don't want to publish under a pen name either. Ugh. Pam is torn.

Been into OPM lately. The E-heads, Rivermaya, etcetera... they have absolutely great songs... maybe not so wow in the lyrics but the tune makes the song easy to remember and one can really get the feel of it. 214, Kisapmata, Ang Huling El Bimbo... those things. I appreciate the older OPM than the present ones. Not that the modern ones are sucky or anything. Some songs are still great. I'm also liking Incubus, Vertical Horizon, Train, Nickelback and other rock/alternative bands once again. Inspiration has struck me.

I really have to study this Christmas break -- no freaking joke. We have tests immediately at the first week of class. There is no room for laziness and regret this time.

Had a really bad dream the other day. It was so real. I hated it. My youngest sister was taking a bath in the shower and my mom told me to watch over her. I said yes and then headed to the room, lay down on the bed and fell asleep. I woke up to my mom asking me, "Did you check on your sister?" I said yes and then went to the bathroom. I saw my sister lying down on the floor of the shower cubicle and water running on her from the shower. I told my mom that she was still taking a bath. Later on, my mom looked and told me, "Pam, your sister's dead." --- Ack! So horrible... I told my mom about that dream and she checked the book of dreams. She told me that dying in dreams actually means the contrary. The person will have a happily married life and future. Whew.. I really hope so.

Been having thoughts about my aunt who died months ago. I'm still sad about it. The situation I remember the most was when I was watching TV then my mom called us here at home and told us that our aunt was dead... my grandma crying and me pitying her beyond anything for probably a small percentage ever in my whole life. I forgot all her 'evilness' and her irritating voice. All that mattered then was that we both lost someone we loved and I just had to cry and hug her. The memory will continue to bring tears to my eyes.

*sigh* I should really start to write. Then study. Waaaah!
Merry Christmas... 7 days to go!

A D/G Clue!

2004-12-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

OMFG... there's this article about D/G... well, not exactly pairing them up but I found it at a site and I am ecstatic. Check it out.
Interview With Bonnie's Double
Cambridge News has posted a short interview with the doubles for Bonnie (Ginny Weasley) and Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy). The interview also includes a photo of the doubles.

I am grinning like an idiot over here. Hehehe... It must be a clue! Omigawd. Har har har. It's so freaking amazing. Things can't get any better [or I hope they would... book 6 please...]!

Classes are over... for this year. Tomorrow is the block Christmas party and exchange gift session at Gary's. Then, on Friday we will have a trip to Enchanted Kingdom. Wahoo... I am totally excited. I feel so happy. Hehehe.

We had a quiz earlier - turtle and shark endoskeleton. I did well in the quiz - I can feel it. Or maybe I'm just full of myself. I studied really hard. I only found out an hour before the test that it included the turtle skeleton so I had to study [fast] four pages of lots of bone segments and new terms. Argh, but I didn't panic and was answering properly. By the by, we had some bonus questions there. Three on FPJ (I remembered a movie of his - Isusumbong Kita Sa Tatay Ko) and the scientific names of turtle and shark. I am so proud of my recall memory because I remembered and deduced from my previous readings and memorizations the scientific names of the specimen. Hahaha.. I am totally happy today.

But still tired... from the biking yesterday at PE class. I still know how to ride the bicycle (as in no training wheels). I've only done it once before -- ever. So amazing... but I'm still a little shaky expecially when biking in the street. One of these days, I'm bringing my sister or brother there so I can ride again. I was just biking the whole time - 2 hours nonstop and everyone was clapping at me. Hehehe. I have a slight tan and my face is pink/red at the bridge of the nose to the bit of my cheeks. Ahhh...

My brother is a complete bastard. He's so ill-tempered. He was banging the gate (not the sick kind of banging, okay?) because it wouldn't close properly and he's been saying disrespectful things... What a total asshole. He really has to grow up... Sirius Black is right, A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. ;) It's true.

Been watching Lovers In Paris - it's so funny. But the dialogue is best. So what if the characters are not very attractive... the script is interesting and wonderfully written. Wow.

A Few Laughs

2004-12-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

Since I've been spending my weekend getting all mad and stupid (after that Zoology 102 test, I've really learned my lesson - no more studying only at the day of the test - ADVANCED READING! ADVANCED READING!), I want to list some things/ideas/whatever that made me laugh out loud, impressed me or something. Hehehe.

HMS She Can't Sing (Harry/Seamus). This totally cracked me up. Hahaha... what a clever reference to the 3rd movie.
HMS Forget and Remember (Neville/Hermione).
Hotter than Potter. Text in a Draco Malfoy avatar.
Thank You Puberty. Text in a Harry and Ron avatar and pictures from PoA.
Vader was amazed to discover that when Fett said "As you wish" what he meant was "I love you".
There was another absolute silence, then Percy cleared his throat and blinked owlishly. "I'm sorry, Ginny, I could have sworn you just said you were seeing Draco Malfoy." From Fearthainn's The Past Didn't Go Anywhere.
Viktor glowered even more heavily. "Are you threatening me?"
"Maybe," Draco said.
"With what, exactly?"
"I'm not sure," Draco admitted. "I thought it would be more effective if I kept it vague." From Cassie Claire's Draco Veritas.
"Or pale?" Draco set his jaw. "Tell me the truth, I can take it."
"Well," the mirror hedged. "Maybe a little on the pasty side -"
'You lying piece of tin!" Draco shouted, seized his tortoiseshell hairbrush from the nearby nightstand, and hurled it at the mirror. From Cassie Claire's A Lot To Be Upset About.
Draco turned to him. "Quick, Goyle, stab me with your fork. If I'm horribly wounded, Dumbledore can't possibly expel me for not apologizing to Potter." Goyle shook his head. "But then he'll expel me." "I fail to see your point," Draco said. From Cassie Claire's Something Impossible.
Last night, I was watching Bitoy's Funniest Videos and there was this scene wherein a baby is carried by his mom and he's making strange facial expressions - disgust, annoyance, etecera - and the voice over was all "My preciousssss..."

Well, there are a few things I should be doing for school. I'll finish them as soon as I post this entry. There's the experiment report for Biochemistry lab. Study for two quizzes in Plant Taxonomy and I've already read for Plant Taxo lecture. Yehey!

Happy birthday to my cousin Gus... :)

Slash

2004-12-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

It is imperative that one reads this: Why H/D is not dead.

Should I post some snippet? Let me show you...
Now, here's what I want to know: Harry beats the hell out of Draco, so that he's whimpering and bleeding, and Draco never mentions it again. Why? Harry has been banned from Quidditch, and Draco doesn't mention that either. At no time does he rub that in, and that would be the button to push. Draco already knows that very, very well. Why does he never use it? The next time we see Draco he teases Ron and says nothing at all to Harry; when he does talk to Harry again he is incredulously mouthing "remedial potions?" at him. Harry's rolling his eyes and figures soon the whole school will know about this embarrassing lie, but hey, they don't seem to find out. Draco doesn't tell. So what happened there? Why is Draco giving Harry a break? Why doesn't Draco use his position and advantage to make Harry feel worse? To humliliate him? What's going through Draco's head?

I am not a slasher and I don't believe in the Draco/Harry pairing but there are some important and essential points made clear to in that essay and it's given me redemption hope. If not that, something else I can't decipher. Haha.

I just made myself an avatar for YM. Finally... I tried doing that a long time ago and it's always error report, don't sent, blah blah. Hmph. It is so me. Then again, maybe I have a different illusion of my self.

School today was better than I expected. My teacher is so nice. I passed her quizzes even if I didn't study during the 4-day weekend. She's so considerate and funny. Totally. I guess I'll live through her class after all. God is eternally good, I swear. :) Went home immediately then slept. I don't see why I am having this excessive sleep problem once again. I slept early last night... 10 pm to be exact and woke up at 6:30 am. I didn't use the PC overnight as I usually do. Hmmm...

I promise to study today. This has to be done.

The song Wag Na Wag is my LSS. Can't get it out of my head. Well, I do hear it everyday... there's the Myx countdown... and then Lovers In Paris... and the morning radio. Hahaha!

Bones... Chicharon?

2004-12-08T20:12:00.000+08:00

A few friends and I attended the wake of Celine's mom. I'm really sad about what happened. It was unexpected and it took a lot from me not to cry. Life is full of surprises...

Yay, just one class tomorrow. Plant Taxonomy lab - 7-10am. Haha! Hooray... I'll need to bring some fruits and flowers (ugh). Plus, gotta SERIOUSLY read that 98-page required reading for the test on Saturday. I've read only one page today... just like the other time. Tsk tsk... no dramatical development here. I suck... I am a bad student (so, what's new?)... I am lazy... I have no discipline... I am a D/G fanatic... I want to study (this is true) but I'm just too lazy... I can't concentrate.. I am easily distracted. Waaah!

Will really buy those shoes the next time the opportunity strikes.

Must convince sister to share payment with PoA DVD... but I guess I won't buy it after all... We'll see.

Got a new email address at GMail. It's 1000 MB. I don't have any invites yet... I think. Weird. Well, just keep on using it.

Changed the URL of this site. Haha... hilarious. That' s the family of ferrets and weasels (D/G hint) and since I'm a Biology major, I should know that. Ahhh! Xtina and I had a conversation earlier... the old link was really easy to decipher. I got terrified. So, I changed it. Buwahahaha!

I'll go do responsible work now.

Desiderata

2004-12-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

Last week, a close friend handed me a binded copy of a book and I found a note attached. It was accompanied by a wonderful piece of literature, Desiderata. Allow me to share them:

Pam dearie, Through good times and bad times, I would always try to be here for you. Thank you very much for being a friend that you are. You have helped me understand this world with all your thoughtful actions and kind words. :) Here's a copy of Desiderata I want to share with you. I believe this is what really life is. Salamat and God bless!

Desiderata

Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amidst the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everwhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Well, I haven't bought the PoA DVD yet. I have to spend P700 of my P3000 savings for some freaking skeletons for Comparative Anatomy lab. Ugh... all that money for bones of shark, turtle, frog and cat. Eeww... no worse way to spend ones savings. This totally sucks!

I took 4 quizzes in the past week (and day) that wil surely yield bad results. I didn't study well for them because... erm... I'm really embarrassed to say this but I have been spending time online. Hahaha. Okay, I've learned my lesson (really now...) and I will discipline myself to study (Hey, I finished the titration curve needed for Monday next week) in advance. Most tests were moved to next week but the one that supposedly happened last, last Saturday and last Saturday was moved to this coming Saturday. It won't be cancelled anymore, that's for sure -- so, I have to read all those 98 pages waiting for me. I'm on page 15... I read one page today. What a development! I am such a loser.

By the way, I saw *him* today. Twice. Both times I did not expect. We wore the same shirt color (umm... yeah, so?) and the second time I saw him he was yelling something and two friends of mine gave me meaningful glances... so deep in meaning that I was frightened that people around would catch those looks. I played my part well and acted nonchalantly. Therefore, the secret is still safe. *crosses fingers and is desperately hoping*

Plus -- I firmly resolve to write this story that's been going on in my head. I've been dreaming of it too, seriously. Yes, it has something to do with Harry Potter and yes, it has something to do with Draco/Ginny... but it's just not a simple story. There are plenty of complicated interactions and events that even I can't keep track but I can safely say that I could remember most of them to incorporate them in the story. I think the fic will not be R-rated. In truth (and I'm just not being saintly here...), I find it really hard to read R-rated stories. Most of my online friends read them a lot... even write them but I just can't stand it. Haha... so that just goes to show that I will not be able to write it either. Oh boo hoo... will that be a sign of less readers? Ah, I don't care. There are a few exceptions though... some stories that contain them are good with their characterizations and plots that it's really no big deal to read the, er, smut scenes. Well, that's not important anyways.

I hate school! Why do I have to study? Why do I have to do advanced reading? Why do we need to know the fucking taxonomy of the chordates? Why do I have to care that the unattractive balanoglossid has its reproductive system in its trunk? Why must I know botanical terms by heart and start pointing out leaves with serrate and dentate margins? Why should I give a damn that the aardvarks are part of the Class Tubulidentata? Why should I compute the speed of cars and when one would overtake the other at this time and acceleration? Why is it required to know all the structures of amino acids and care that proline does not form peptide bonds? Sheesh...

Well, time to do that Physics problem... :)

Feeling Old

2004-12-02T13:29:00.000+08:00

Mahoney posted this at FAP:

It struck me the other day that there is one scene that I can't reconcile with my general impression of Draco. In PS/SS, when Harry goes to get fitted for his robes, he stands next to a boy whom he later learns to be Draco. The boy talks to him. Snobbily, yes, but easily, conversationally, and non-judgementally - despite the fact that Harry (if I'm not mistaken) is wearing Dudley's over-sized, ugly Muggle clothes. I mean, I don't recall it being said anywhere that Harry changes out of the clothes provided to him by the Dursleys until he gets into his school clothes, which occurs after the scene with Draco in Madam Malkins. So Draco, supposedly intensely prejudiced against Mudbloods & against poorer folk a la the Weasleys, strikes up a friendly conversation with a boy wearing second-hand Muggle clothes.

Why... purely great analyzing and spotting skills! Anyway, this was posted more than 2 years ago and I was just surfing around... reading the more interesting stuff. Hehe. ;)

And holy f*cking shit! Famous people in the fandom were talking about my old site, Pumpkin Pasties. Well, it just disappeared since I wasn't able to work on it anymore and my host also disappeared. *sigh* Just a lovely thread to bring back the memories. Ebony and Cassie and LadyAeryn say something about it! *ahh... I feel happy* Well, that was the past. Har har. The old HP days. Nowadays, the fandom is really full of new people and I dunno... not to be too evil or anything but a bit crappy. I miss the old days.

No classes today! I should really be studying.

And my mom's gonna appear on TV Patrol today. She was interviewed at the grocery! Dear God! Haha...

Death Is Me

2004-11-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

Holy high heavens! Take a look at this: 10 paragraphs from DV15.

My heart is totally broken.

I really don't like Hermione in this fic. It's not her fault but damn it all! Argh...

Ginny will die.

Omigosh... I have to read it already so I can get over it.

It'll be heartbreaking... totally.

*sob*

I'm beginning to hate Emma Watson just because she's playing Hermione.

Hey, did I mention that I'm a total lunatic or what?

On to more important things...

I'm downloading the GoF special in TRL. It's about 17 MB and it's only 2 minutes! What the hell! Well, I hope I enjoy watching it, which I doubt.

Do not wear a pair of slippers unless it's your own. I was running earlier wearing someone's slippers and I slipped and my right knee hurts. I literally fell. Ugh.

I also have to study for Comparative Anatomy. This never ends because the test is always postponed. I was saved again earlier because the class did not push through. Whew. Time to really study.

Finding A Friend

2004-11-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

I knew it's been too long since I've last been in the HP Fandom. I recently uncovered an old friend I met who also lives in the same country. She's also a D/G and H/H shipper and she still remembers our meeting at FAP when I posted something in Filipino and she replied and we both wondered whether there are other Pinoys there too. How cool. I don't even recall that! Hehe. Anyways, met her again and I saw a post of hers regarding D/G. Don't mind if I post it...

1. The whole James/Lily argument -- if you can all remember our fave CoS moment, Ginny said "Leave him alone!" to Draco when he was tormenting Harry in Diagon Alley -- which is exactly what Lily said when she defended Snape from James' insults & ridicule! I mean, that's like "history repeating itself!" Besides, Syd has a point that most D/G romances happen on their 6th/7th year... just like Lily & James!
2. Ron stating, "Ginny was best, she got Malfoy --" If you notice the whole "--" pause in the text, it could me alot of things!?! Plus the fact that he totally pointed out the fact that Ginny specifically picked Malfoy among all the Slytherins!?! Hehehe, I was literally jumping all over my room when I read that phrase! The best D/G proof JKR could put up with for us to hope for! *swoons*
3. Ginny's inter-house dating! I know to some it might look that she's a player, but the fact that she dated a Ravenclaw, & now goes out w/ a Gryffindor, could definitely mean that she's bound to go out w/ someone from Hufflepuff (my choices being Eric or Justin... notice how very much present they are in OotP?) and of course... our fave Slytherin house... and we know who that guy is, right!?! Hehehe... unless JKR shocks us all w/ a little Blaise/Ginny pairing... if he's a guy that is!
4. Ron's reaction to Ginny's lovelife -- trust me, that whole "WHAT!" scream has D/G written all over it!?! I mean, the mere fact that your only sister is dating the whole's biggest git would drive Ron insanely mad that you'll die laughing!?! And we all know that JKR loves a good Weasley funny moment!?!
5. This is a long shot -- they're both Quidditch players!?! The minute that Draco sees Ginny in the grounds, he's bound to make fun of her -- which will make Ron kill him on the spot, and for Ginny to curse the day that guy walked the face of the earth... my only disappointment in the books... NO DRACO/GINNY QUIDDITCH MATCH-UP!?! All that pushing & shoving to get the Snitch *lovesighs* I would have fainted & dreamed blissfully of all my fave D/G Quidditch moments in my head!
6. The Bat-Bogey Hex -- Draco's definitely going to seek revenge for that one, which could escalate to alot of sexual tension between the two!?! Hehehe... Draco corners Ginny for what she did, Ginny threathens him not to mess w/ her or she'll give him a far more nasty hex -- that's classic D/G!?!
7. Ginny dating Dean -- i mean, it's the same initials w/ our fandom!?! even buttermallow noticed it too!?! Maybe JKR has been reading some D/G fics... and this is her way of foreshadowing it -- okay, i think I'm reading WAY TOO MUCH beyond the lines!?! *blushes*

Heehee... The fangirl in me strikes again. I am so gleeful. Hehehehehe. ;) Omigosh... I found the thread link where we met. Wow... we were talking about Draco Malfoy. Hahaha. Check it out here. Coolness. :)

I have to post some songs because I can't really think of things to say. Oh before I do that, I just want to say that I really do have a heart. In the past 24 hours, I've felt guilty about the way I treat my grandparents. I dunno... maybe I should be a bit more patient with them. *sigh* When I look at them, there's pity and compassion. Ugh... my old self is really taking over again.

You never close your eyes anymore
When I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness
Like before in your finger tips
You're trying hard not to show it
But baby, baby I know it

Chorus:
You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Woh oh, that lovin' feelin'
You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Now it's gone, gone, gone woh, oh, oh

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes
When I reach for you
And girl, you're starting to criticize little things I do
It makes me just feel like crying
'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying

Baby, baby I'd get down on my knees for you
If you would only love me like you used to do
We had a love, a love
A love you don't find every day
So don't, don't, don't let it slip away
Baby, baby I beg you please
Please, I need your love
So bring it on back
So bring it on back.

Chorus II:
Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Woh, oh that lovin' feelin'
Bring back that lovin' feelin'
'Cause it's gone, gone, gone
And I can't go on woh, oh, oh

Free 3-day Weekend

2004-11-27T09:47:00.000+08:00

I Like The Melody of This Song

Is, this love
Feeling restless inside
Wanting you
To always be my side
I don't even want you out of my side
You are in my thoughts all day and night
I can't get you out of my mind
I think I'm in love

Refrain:
I think I'm in love
Think I'm in love with you
Every single day
Every single night
Every single moment of my life
I want to spend them all with you
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love with you
Tell me that you care
Tell me...please
Tell me that you also feel
The way that I do...

Can't describe
Words are just not enough
Can't explain
It all happened so fast
What exactly am I feeling right now
If this is love I got to know somehow
Just how long this madness will last
'Cause I think I'm in love

I think I'm in love
Think I'm in love with you
Every single day
Every single night
Every single moment of my life
I want to spend them all with you
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love with you
Tell me that you care
Tell me...please
Tell me that you also feel
The way that I do...

I think I'm in love
Think I'm in love with you
Every single day
Every single night
Every single moment of my life
I want to spend them all with you
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love with you
Tell me that you care
Tell me...please
Tell me that you also feel
The way that I do...

I'm not in love, okay? I just heard this yesterday at Cinnzeo (?) and I remembered it. It's a fun-to-sing song. I am also inspired to write something. Hmm... I could do that... later... after school work. Haha.

Check out this interview

CP: Any clues about the next book?
JK: I don't want to give anything away, but I can tell you that the books are getting darker... Harry's going to have quite a bit to deal with as he gets older. Sorry if they get too scary!

CP: What about the romance? Will Harry have time do deal with that?
JK: Everybody makes time to deal with romance and Harry's no different.

CP: Who's the lucky girl?
JK: You don't honestly expect me to answer that, do you?

CP: Just give us a hint.
JK: Let's just say it might surprise a few people and it might make total sense to others. Sometimes all you've been looking for is right in front of you. And I'll say nothing else about it.

CP: Are you going to kill anyone else?
JK: Yes.

CP: We saw Hermione grow a lot in the last two books (GoF, OoTP). Any thoughts on that?
JK: Yes, she did grow quite a bit. She is finally managing to put her bossy ways into use and take something good out of it.

CP: Will there be any romance for her?
JK: Like I said, everybody makes time for romance, and what you want can be right in front of you.

CP: You just gave me a hint, right there. Harry and Hermione?
JK: (laughs) I'm not telling you anything. It's all in the books.

CP: What about poor Ron?
JK: Don't worry, everyone will find their way in the end. And I'm not saying anything else about that.

Blogging Time

I'm free today because the Comparative Anatomy lab exam was postponed. *grins with glee* I'm supposed to study today (I always have to do that) but I guess I'll just use the morning with the computer. I was not able to go online yesterday because my sister was taking so long with her chatting sessions. Blah blah. I'm beginning to get addicted to Mango Ice - Ice Monster - I could eat that all the time, I swear. Hehehe. It's expensive, though and I am in the process of saving money. Let me list a few things I want to buy... or hope someone would buy for me. Everyone's making a wishlist! I should too!

Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban DVD
Chuck Taylor's Converse black high-cut shoes (size UK 4.5)
sling bag
fix the speakers/sounds of this computer
new pants
customized t-shirts with the designs I made
Troy DVD
Digicam 7 mega pixels, Sony or Olympus
Bodyshop's Vanilla scent

That's all I can think of right now. I don't really want a laptop anymore because of this semi-brand new PC dad got for me. Hehehe. *clap clap*

Been trying to do vector art in Illustrator. So far, I've learned some useful techniques. I'm glad I searched on this topic. It's really much better than the pixelated ones and I feel more... er... professional. Haha... yuck... crazy.

By the way, I encountered *him* again yesterday. It was really funny. Well, we just ignored each other. No big deal. I was alone then and I had to divert my eyes somewhere else. Ugh, everything's getting so awkward. This has to stop. I know it won't anytime soon but hey, at least we're still friends.

Okay, I am surprising myself even more! Yesterday I was super duper friendly with photocopying-me woman. It was a bit like the old times and I really felt the anger had melted somehow. It's so... amazing. I guess things could turn out right after all.

It's a different story for cousin dear. She's so competitive, really - I know I explained this before. People don't really see what's annoying about her because they're blinded. I dunno... by her riches? Her facade of being cutie-cutie and nice? Her talent in drawing? Her unwinding laugh? Ugh... they don't spend enough time with her, then. Why do I always have to be the one to see beyond the outer projections of a person? At least I won't be going into dangerous territory. Blah... I really hate her fake modesty, her obsessive compulsiveness, her slowness at working, and especially the way she keeps on asking and asking about things to get every crunch of detail. I almost laughed out loud yesterday when one of my friends was openly annoyed at her already and she burst out with anger. Who wouldn't? She was being such a nagger at asking questions. It was irritating... even for me (of course)! I also dislike her fakishness like "Oh my god, it's so hard... I can't do this anymore..." You know, the "fake" hardship and pretending she's in a very difficult situation. Later on she says she's so stupid really for wanting to become a doctor. Ugh, she says that ALL THE TIME. I bet she's mentioned that for at least 800 times. Unfathomable! I can't stand her. I. Have. To. Get. Away. From. Her. Now!

Luckily, yesterday, she had to watch something so I went home on my own. The stupid jeepney I rode let me down halfway because he changed route. Well then, I walked from Quirino to SSC. Don't ask. Just follow what I'm saying. Haha. As I was walking along DLSU, I saw a friend, Cesca, sitting inside, on the benches. I waved frantically at her and we spent a bit of time chatting through the bars. She also showed me a picture of her crush. Haha... ;) Well, she had to leave later on and so I proceeded towards KFC, bought some go-gos and then bought Ice Monster. [I know I said that I'm saving but it's a Friday and I deserved a break.] When I got home, I called my sisters and we all ate what I bought. Yummy. Hehe.

I feel that I lost about a pound in weight. Hehe. Or is this wishful thinking?

Having A Field Day

2004-11-25T09:18:00.000+08:00

Which Harry Potter Characters Are You The Child Of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha... what a cool quiz! It's so hilarious! Moving on to the better things: No class today! Yehey. I woke up at 5:30 am to get ready and study. Damn... I fell asleep last night and just woke up this morning. I am so irresponsible - I have to hit my head 20 times on the wall. Today, I will really try to study. We have a test on Saturday! I finally got the books. I guess my tito brought them around last night. Goodie. What's even better is that the book I have is the smooth-papered one (not the crummy newsprint) and it costs the same as the one everyone has (but theirs is the gray-papered one) but I got it for free, since I borrowed it and it's much better and ahh... I feel smug.

I cooked my own breafast today. Wahaha. Amazing, eh? Well... kapag tinotopak nga naman... :)
PHP has an eyeball scheduled this Saturday. I was hoping to meet my friends but we do have a test so I'll have to skip it. Too bad.

Today, I fixed my cabinet and clothes. Mom was so proud. She said that I was too happy because there's no class. Yeah, yeah. I was also overly enthusiastic because I made breakfast for my little sister too. Too bad for her, she has classes today -- a party, actually. It's a classmate's birthday or something.

I finally joined GenText. I think I did that last Monday. I never knew how to do it so when I saw a friend with a membership card, I asked how and now, all I have to do is wait for the card to arrive at my home. Woopee!

This is a useless entry.

Presently, I have zero pesos in my cellphone account. I just don't want to buy load yet - this is weird though because the last time I added credits to my phone was a month ago and that was the P100 one, which should only last for 15 days but I had it until yesterday. Haha. Cool. All my friends are looking at me wide-eyed when I tell them that. They're all like, "You're so noble!" Hehe. Everyone's getting Sun sims... I won't bother to do that. It'll only confuse me and people I have in my address book. Plus, that's more money to spend. ;-p

Devon Murray smokes. What an idiot kid... only 14...

You Know You're Addicted to Internet When

Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.
You turn your computer off and get this awful epmty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice that you've been to all of them.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest MP3's off Kazaa Lite.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.
The last hottie you picked up was only a jpeg.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.
You type faster than you think.
You can now type over 70 WPM.
You check your e-mail and forget you have real mail.
You have "Googled" all your friends to try to find out anything interesting that they are not telling you and you can use against them later.
You message someone via IM when they are less than 20 feet away.
You actually say I-M-O and A-T-M to real friends rather than 'in my opinion' and 'at the moment'. And they give you strange looks.
You run four chat programs all at once... Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, AIM and MSN
You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to the internet.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here

Haha! Okay, I should leave before I lose it.

Fury of the Scorned

2004-11-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

Or the way his eyes narrowed just a bit - so slightly he probably didn't even know he was doing it - when he was obviously thinking about nothing else but her.

Uh-oh, I'm in trouble... actually, just indirectly. It wasn't my fault anyway. I found out from a classmate that we indeed has class today. I was misinformed! Darn, we already have an experiment next week and we have to find out how something works. Haha.

I tried to study for Plant Taxonomy. That or answer the lab manual. Then, I felt sleepy. I said I'd sleep for a while but when I tried to, I couldn't. So, I woke up, cooked some frankfurters with cheese then downloaded and installed some files. This time... I will be disciplined - Promise, I will study in an hour. If I don't, um... Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince will be delayed until 2010. There. Hahaha.

Taking a look at the GoF movie set galleries, I chanced upon a photo of Tom Felton. I was taken aback... whoa, does the guy really look like that already? I immediately thought of Xtina and knew that she must see it. It is imperative. Hahaha. :)

Know what? I decided it's not right to be angry and violent at the same time. Everything will backfire. The other day, I was taking a bath and was in quite a hurry with a bit of annoyance within me because of something. I scratched my right pointer finger on my right big toe and a good deal of skin was hanging out. It hurt. Badly. Next, I was angry with my brother and I slammed my pencil case on his hand. My left knuckle scratched the wood beneath the keyboards and a stinging and medium-sized wound was there. Another incident was when I was trying desperately to get my bag to cooperate and I did it in an irritating manner. My right thumb now has a mini puncture. Lastly, I was leaning my head on my palm while my elbow rested on the desk. It slipped and scratched so there is a removal of skin there. Ughhh...

Am downloading Quicktime player. I hope to God that no one would stupidly take the phone off the hook.

Still don't have the books. My cousin promised to have them around today and when I asked my tito about it, he said he forgot. Desperate times call for desperate measures. He asked me if I needed it today. I said yes. He also asked if it was for the test tomorrow. I had to lie... He might forget if it was not done. I said yes but in truth, it was for the test on Saturday. Hello... it wouldn't hurt to do advanced reading, right? So, he said that he'll bring it around tonight. Yeah, I hope he does.

A lot of things occurred today. I was proven wrong because I had the impression that since I'm staying home, there would be not much of events to be taken note of since this is just a nothing day full of study and rest. Oh, but I was reminded that this *is* my house and a lot of things *do* happen here.

Mom could not take it anymore and had to scream at my grandparents. They were really so interfering. Earlier, it was only me and them in the house. My grandpa insisted that he fetch my sister. He didn't have to. I was supposed to do it but I still didn't know yet because I neglected to check my phone. It wasn't such a disaster since my sister was in the care of her teacher anyway. My grandma was having this accusing tone on my mom that she [my mom] didn't even say that she wasn't going to be able to fetch my sister and now my grandpa had to do it. Mom was furious. Hello, we didn't ask the oldies to worry about these things. They just make the issues themselves. It's so annoying, really. They nag me all the time and my grandpa wanted to keep using the phone just to call and call and call the same person--

OMIGOD... I thought someone interrupted the connection... I was ready to kill...

--my chance for free internet hours was wasted. Totally. I cannot wait until we move out (how many times have I said that?) and mom mentioned that we should be ready in two weeks. I hope that's true. This place, I cannot take anymore. Another disgusting thing I was reporting to my mom happened during lunch time. My sister and I were eating and then all of a sudden my grandma dips her spoon on my sisters plate and gets a bit of rice. I was like, what the fuck? She pulled away guiltily and muttered something defensively. I was having this irked expression and soon enough she planted her spoon on my sisters food and started using it to scoop the food in place. I was ready to puke. The situation was so like... EEEEW! I kept mumbling to my sister to not eat her food anymore. However, that was in vain since she's only 5 years old and what could she know? She's still naive. I couldn't take it and so I just left the table. Disgusting that old hag is. I swear, she's totally psycho! The things she does with our food. She thinks her saliva is so holy that it has to be everywhere! Oh *vomit* *vomit* *vomit*.

Haven't got around to exercising yet but a few people at school said I lost weight. I hope they're sincere and just not trying to be nice. It's not like I even asked them. I was told yet again by another person that I was so... sweet and nice and good natured. Ha... people don't really know me. I want to laugh out loud every time those things are said to me. Hmm.. maybe I should try to live up to my... looks? Hahaha! This is ridiculous. Or I should have a total makeover. Put dark eyeshadow, very white powder, blood red lipstick and a nose ring. That should do it. Let's see if they still think me adorable and happy-go-lucky. Hehe. Crazy.

Can't Ever Tolerate It

2004-11-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you

Yehey! I've been skipping around and jumping for joy here. That is because there's no class tomorrow! Well... not officially as in like announced by the government or DepEd. I guess the Physics laboratories aren't ready yet and so my friend sent me a text message indicating that tomorrow will be free day. Oh jolly good!

Guess what? Today was super-nice-Pam day. It was so unbelievable. If I were watching myself from a TV screen, I would swear that it was either a different person transfigured into me or it was actually me but I'd been a very, very professional and effective actress. Omigosh... am I really going to type this? Should I? (99x) Fine. There's no use stalling. I was actually nice to miss-'little'-i'm-so-pompous-cousin and to dahling-copy-'feline'-ditzy-woman. Oh God that was difficult. I dunno how I did it. I was just so pleasant and talking nicely, sharing a bit of random thingies and smiling. Actually more-than-a-ridiculous-simper-smiling. Wow. Tell me you're proud. Ha!

Shit! I had another encounter with *him* again today. Why oh why? It was so unexpected. The moment was so slapped in my face and it took so long for me to recover. All the time I was jumpy and must've created quite an impression to one of my companions. I was totally taken by surprise. He waved and I waved at his lot... so that was to him, indirectly. It was so damn difficult. I did not look him in the eye. I just focused on a portion beside his head but it was a mere 3 seconds or so. Not enough to haunt me anyway. Blast it all!

I have a phrase to add to my list of 'amazing comebacks'. Well, I don't really have the retorts listed but hey, they come up when in handy. A new classmate, who seems a bit feminine (unsure though), is uber smart to the tops and has a very fine sense of humor, uttered it in class when we were talking about him maybe ending up with one of our blockmates who is suspected to be a woman kicked out from them psycho ward. Hehe. All of us were thinking, *no way* and *what a disaster* when he merely said, "God forbid!" Hahahaha. We were all cracking up. It was in such great timing and the simple two words were enough to get me rolling on the floor laughing my ass and head off. That was good! Hehe.

The fanfic I am currently reading is The Past Didn't Go Anywhere and I think I already mentioned that the last time I blogged. Anyways, I think it's really well-written. No wonder it won an award. The dialogue is great. I was laughing out loud in most parts. Draco is redeemed but he's still got his snarky side when he met Harry - so he's still a bit, er, nasty. It's so hilarious. That's what I like in most fics... the humor in the dialogue. Laughing is therapy. I really hope I could be that great in writing lines and coming up with perfect situations but no... it's not me. I'm more of the darkfic + angst + anger type. Hmm... I wonder why. *wink* Well, I have yet to finish the story, I'm 55.49% done anyway. And would you believe me if I told you that I indeed computed that using my faithful scientific calculator since first year high school? Hehe... I thought so.

There's a bit of a titter here in the house. Wait, that's wrong. It's more like an explosion of undesired chaos. Everyone has issues -- except me. Oh yes, I'm feeling so light-headed and unbothered that I couldn't really care less. Indifference dominates my emotions. Sad but kind of good for my emotional and mental state. Hehe. Speaking of mental state, I've been reading for Biochemistry already. It's good too because I'm beginning to understand a few concepts already. Wonderful! This must go on. I still have to read for others like Plant Taxo (quiz on Thursday), Physics (for advanced reading), Comparative Anatomy (first exam is on Saturday 5-6 pm but I still don't have the book yet; my cousin promised to bring it around by tomorrow and I desperately hope he does that), and more on Stoichiometry (I hate this with a passion) because it makes me miserable since I. Do. Not. Know. How. To. Do. It. God! Enough of school. On to the real problem...

Issue #1 -- My sister had a war with a little bitch who is a year older than her. Now, the kid is being threatened. As what was passed on to me by my mom, my sister is crying because the 2nd year high school girl is scaring her by saying that she will gather as many enemies for her possible by spreading whatever bad things to them. Bugger.

Issue #2 -- My brother failed Math. Ha! He's been really stupid lately so that dissolves the sympathy I'm supposed to be having for him. Plus, he's not exactly on my good side. He hasn't really been studying. Hint: Ragnarok. Stupid boy. I'm inspired to study more than ever because I don't plan on failing any subjects. Hmph.

Issue #3 -- Dad has PMS. Hehe. Does that apply to men? Anyway, he is always in a bad mood. Angry, complaining, yelling... I don't blame him though. My siblings aren't really cooperating. Eloisa is scattering things everywhere, not eating her lunch and leaving it in her bag to rot. Rico and Gel aren't exactly having the time of their lives at school. Dad works, cooks, cleans, fixes, prepares baon, pays the bills, and drives. I wish I could help him like with cooking, cleaning, fixing and washing the dishes. However, every time I try to do that, he grumbles and tells me that he'll just be the one to do it. No use arguing with that. Anyway, I am so annoyed when he yells or gets mad. That's because even if you're not the object of his wrath, you'll still get involved because he will take out his anger on you nonetheless. Bullshit!

Issue #4 -- My grandpa would not swallow his pride. He's always trying to do things around the house. Fixing, heating the food, cooking rice, fetching my sister, and all those things. What's annoying is that he's dragging himself into our lives and trying to be someone. He does not have to fetch my sister from school but he does it to show that he can manage. I think he's still a bit hurt that we're going to move out and he wants to prove himself but he's just making things worse for himself. He's not exactly in the youthful stage of his life.

Issue #5 -- My grandma is such a raving lunatic. First, she insists on doing housework when she's got hip, back, and some other body part problems. Later on, she complains loudly that we're not helping her and that we're only wasting blah blahs using the computer. She goes on nagging and saying that we should study, read or whatever but what irritates me the most is that she whines that she's so tired already. Hello! It's not like we demanded her to do the work. In truth, I would gladly do the chores and stuff but not if she's there because she wants things done her way. She's so stubborn, really and her mouth does not stop with the sermons. I have to quote Shakespeare on this, regarding her voice, that music hath a far more pleasant sound.

Issue #6 -- Mom is furious. My grandma is always blabbing and she made the mistake of interfering with my youngest sister's schoolwork and got a party date wrong. My sister ended up not having food to eat for the day. Mom was hinting accusing statements at my grandmother and is really at the edge. She was like a bomb that would go off with the faintest provocation. I winced in anticipation but fortunately, it didn't have to happen.

Oh well, this is too long and depressing already. I have more to say but that'll just have to go to print on my other journals. Hahaha. Oh yeah, yesterday, I planned to sleep for a while and then get up and study, right? Well, that didn't happen. I slept from 5 pm to 7:40 am today. It was horrible. I was late for class and my hair was unkempt. We only had class for the first subject, which ended at 8:30. Afterwards, my teachers in the other classes (until 3 pm) did not come. How totally considerate of them. Well, that was quite a day wasted. I could have just stayed home and slept... or used the PC. Haha. ;)

Lunatic At 18

2004-11-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know its still the same
Everywhere I look, you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
- Something I Can Never Have, Nine Inch Nails

First things first. I saw *him* again today. Shit! I totally did not expect it. It was least likely to happen then I saw some people who are actually 'signals' that warn me that he could be appearing any second later. Before everything was processed by my brain, *poof* he appeared. I was taken aback yet calm at the same time. Somehow I expected him to be there and I'd already thought that I would force my eyes to just see other directions and people that would not lead me to look at him. I thought of looking right through him and pretend to ignore the fact that he was there. Well... enough of what I planned to do. I did it anyway. I did not the least bit glance at him and made eye contact. Yes, I saw part of his face... peripheral vision... and he was looking at me. Maybe he was thinking of saying "hi" when I look at him. He never calls me by name anyway. He just waits... waits if I see him and then wave. Once or twice he spoke my name to get my attention because of urgent things he had to say. One, I remember, was about me having a wrong impression about him and he wanted to correct it. Second, we were having an interesting conversation about movies. A few times before, he would suddenly appear near me and shock me with cool but piercing words whispered to my ear. Ordinarily, he would just ignore me. Seeing him gaze at me still did not make me falter. I never glanced at him and just kept on walking. A few times I caught him sneaking a glance and maybe he was wondering why I just walked past him or if I would acknowledge his most recent message to me. I wanted to but everything around and inside me just made it so difficult to do. It's really a sad thing most especially because he's the only guy who gets my jokes and the only one of the male species who seems to understand my sardonic side. It would be such a waste... Is this called avoiding? It's more like pretending... hiding... wearing a mask... being totally confused...

Once again, I failed myself because I did not really study the handouts for the quiz thoroughly. Well, fate is at my side since the teacher decided not to test us for the day coz everyone was suspiciously behaved and really nice. Haha, students and their ploys. I was wearing myself out by taking detailed notes, trying to keep up with the fast pace of the teacher. Nevertheless, it was an exciting lesson despite the professor being infamous and the subject being naturally sucky. I have decided that I hate Plant Taxonomy. There are so plenty of things to be memorized! Laboratory class isn't fun either -- I fell asleep 30 minutes before the bell and I didn't give a damn anymore. The teacher was boring me to death and she did not present the subject matter in a lively way either. She talks like someone's running after her and she's got endless things to say. She has low-quality lesson plans and an unimpressive knowledge on the subject. Biochemistry lab was the worst... we discussed and answered problems about buffers and I was so clueless. Others seemed to have been forewarned about the activity since they already had answers and were eager to do boardwork. I, on the other hand, was totally unprepared and was wide-eyed, staring at the board the whole time. If I had to answer a question during that time to save my life, I would have died right on the spot. No one, not even my strongest sense of self-encouragement could help me at that time. It must have been a dream... a terrible one... a nightmare. I must have woken up from it but not at the right time because the dream was retained and not forgotten like the others.

I was watching HP CoS movie this morning and I couldn't help myself - I kept laughing during the part when Harry and Ron polyjuice themselves into Goyle and Crabbe, respectively. The scene with Malfoy is hilarious. What's the matter with you two? You're acting very... odd. Then Crabbe's hair stands and turns into Ron's flaming red hair. Haha. Love that movie. My favorite part in HP PoA is when Sirius and Remus are in the Shrieking Shack with the Trio. Then, Snape enters and Sirius and Remus kind of argue about something. You two quarrel like an old married couple. Hehehe. I can't take this.

My SHITHEAD brother is a prat - no, that's too weak a word. He's a rotten gay turd anal fart orc bastard. He does not respect or see me as an authority figure anymore. He yells at me and I can't take it. He's so disrespectful muttering shit-like things. I swear I'm going to cut holes in all his clothes. What pisses me off is that he is the one at the wrong side and he does not see things the right way. He thinks he's right. I have to get back at him. I'm going to delete those Ragnarok and Kevin Garnett shit from his PC. Oh yeah, who's gonna stop me, huh? It'll be such a satisfaction to do that. I tell him off for leaving his clothes around, leaving used bottles of drinks in the room and not disposing of them. I say they've been there for a week. He's mad and claims that I'm wrong, they've only been there for three days. OH YEAH REAL STUPID ASSHOLE he is. Does it matter if it was one week or three days? A few hours should have already done it. Some people will never learn. One of these days... And I can't believe he gets his own room in the new house. He doesn't deserve it, the asshole.

Damn. I'm mad again. I lack sleep, of course and everyone is just acting so stupidly! Not to mention my day did not start out lovely either. My dearest cousin fetched me late... I swear, I'd rather use public transportation than go with her and actually have to owe her something. We were late for class and she didn't even apologize. She's so competitive. I was reading the handouts because I didn't get a chance to study during the weekend. Well well well... she didn't let go of the handouts either. A few times she stopped reading and went on to fix things and she saw me reviewing, she immediately grabbed hers too. Oh great. She's also such a pretender. "I haven't studied, I haven't studied!" Yeah, right. Anyone who believes this is a real low life. "I want to shift course." Whatever. Once, I was so beyond pissed already and I cornered her asking her so where are you shifting to? She actually admitted that she was only saying it but not really planning to do it. Hello --- what's the point? The whole day I was not sticking to her. I sat beside other friends at laboratory class. I was beside others during lecture. At lunch, I hung out with a different person. She stayed with us when she had no more class and was free to go home. I can't stand her. Going through most of the day, I guess I can stand miss-imitator-oh-c'mon more... She's becoming less of an annoyance anyway. Minus, of course, her ocassional butt ins and ditzy attitude.

I ate a measly go-go at KFC for lunch today. Surprising enough, I was full with that. After class at 4 pm, I rounded by Ice Monster near our house and bought a Mango Ice for me and my sister. We gobbled it down as soon as I got home. I walked home, by the way. It was quite refreshing save the couple of people I had to give the evil eye for blocking my way, staring at me and saying things to try and catch my attention. Uncivilized!

*sigh* This is becoming the usual rant journal again. Oh... I haven't mentioned HP much, eh? Well, I'm reading a D/G fic right now. The Past Didn't Go Anywhere. I will catch some sleep first then wake up a few hours later and study. Haha.

I Can Right What Is Wrong

2004-11-22T02:46:00.000+08:00

Was watching K! earlier and I was stunned because a song that I was singing yesterday morning turned out to be there...

I can live, I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song
I can dance, I can fly
And touch the rainbow in the sky
I can be your good friend
I can love you until the end

Intense feelings!Alert. Damn... I feel so confused and jovial. It's because of *him*. It's weird though because I thought that I wouldn't mind him anymore and that things have changed because I won't be seeing him much, there is absolutely no way he could like me, and I just thought I was drained of interest for him. Well, he said something that totally does not concern our relationship but it affected me because I didn't realize that he would say something like that or that he is actually what he says he is. Okay, it's odd to read this, I know. If you don't get it the first time, do not attempt to understand me. Hehe. It's just so cool. Let me think... he actually told me something similar to that before but I didn't give it much thought because he did not seem like the kind of person to be like that. Now, it's the second time he's hinted it. All I need is *proof*. Haha. It's getting weirder by the word.

Just for future reference... here is an early release of an exerpt from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, which is rumored to be out by mid-June 2005. I want to jump for joy.
"(He) looked rather like an old lion. There were streaks of grey in his mane of tawny hair and his bushy eyebrows; he had keen yellowish eyes behind a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles and a certain rangy, loping grace even though he walked with a slight limp."

Have a quiz later (10 am)... it's on Plant Taxonomy. 6-page handout, I think. Haven't done as much as glance at the first page and check how many pages there are. I'll start reading at 3 am. Promise! Haha. Here I go again. We also have Plant Taxo lab later as first period. Damn, I'm going to see that teacher again and she's gonna give me hell. I wonder if I have to draw the stuff indicated in the manual. I'll do it during my free time. There's also Biochemistry lab later -- most likely we will be dismissed early. Yehey.

Proud!Moment: I got a perfect score in the Comparative Anatomy quiz last Friday. I feel so good and a bit confident. It's so great that my studying paid off. I hope it happens again in the test later so I will really study... Yes, I will do that... No, don't look at me like that. I'm serious! Heehee.

Friday was one of the not-so-good days. Why? Well I spent the entire lunch time being miserable. I had to hang out with the egotistical cousin and the imitator queen oh c'mon. Gosh. It was worse than death. To calm myself, I just kept silent the whole time and kept glancing at a spot on the table. My good friend, Virginia, had to go to her dorm and study. Usually, I stick with her and she goes along with it. She's one of the 3 people I trust completely (at school). I was feeling light-hearted during the Comparative Anatomy quiz because she commended me for my perfect score and before that, I was telling her how I might fail (quiz and Biochem) then she just went on encouraging me and stuff. She was really sincere and nice. Now that's a true friend. I was complaining to my mom about the two people who make my school life terrible and she said that she didn't want me to become miserable because of them. I thought... how could I manage to do that? Why, the answer was with Hermione Granger all along -- the library. Yes. I will eat quickly and then isolate myself over there to study. I'll make an excuse like I have to go meet someone or something. *sigh* It will have to work.

Been reading D/G fics. There are a lot of talented authors and I find the ones with humor in them to be the best ones. Haha. I kept sniggering in front of the PC and my sister was casting me perplexed glances. Ah, who cares? It's totally rejuvenating. I am most definitely a D/G shipper. Haha.

This return of the HP craze has actually done me some good. I stay up, use the PC for half the time and then study for the rest. I don't feel restless at school and I'm more awake. It might seem creepy at first but I feel much better and even if I am a bit angsty sometimes and I harbor hatred for some people, I cannot dwell on the negative feelings much because I immediately shift to feeling happy. Wow.

This summer, we're going to the US. Ahhh... I have to plan for things to do there. My aunt said that during that time, there will be lots of yard sales and such. However, I cannot spend all my money because HPHBP is rumored to be out by June, and I will have to order online from Amazon (again) so I can get it as soon as possible. Wahhooo! Yikes, I'm talking HP again. Well, mom says that we might get there in time to see the snow! Oh happy joy! Wow, I've never seen snow or held it ever in my life. I will be looking forward to that moment. By the way, did I mention that my siblings and I will be traveling alone? And then, later, my parents and youngest sister will follow. Coolness. I hope I see some Hollywood actors... maybe check out if The Calling is somewhere around the area. Golly, I'm floating here. States we might visit are New York, New Jersey, Texas and Maryland. I am so hoping we drop by California.

About moving out:
I've anticipated it for so long. It hasn't come yet. Mom said by second week of December. Damn, I really hope so. The wait is killing me. I always have to wait for everything! We set out to look for furniture yesterday and all we got to was antique-looking shops with oh-so-expensive merchandise. The house will be painted yellow. I haven't seen it yet. We have our own beds. I can exercise freely! Haha.

Lovely news... the maid is out. She left and hasn't come back. I dunno if she will be returning. Hello... do you think I will care? Haha. At least that's one of the dilemmas off my back!

Spiteful and Furious

2004-11-16T02:59:00.000+08:00

I have not blogged for quite some time because of laziness, net surfing, and nothing to write about. Actually, there are a few things I would like to discuss but now is not the right time. I have to answer something for Biochemistry class and also finish studying for a quiz that requires an P800 book but I do not have it so I find stuff the manual way. Lord, help me! I'll just post a few things then I promise, I will start working on the school things as I have been promising to do that for about 12 hours already. Shit. I am a dead ferret in about 4 hours if I do not accomplish this. Once again, procrastination. By the *freaking* way, I missed X2 on Star Movies last Sunday because we arrived home at around midnight already. I will *not* miss CSI this week.

What Is Your HP Threesome? by elschan
Name
You Will Shag	Cho Chang and Luna Lovegood

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Taken from a friend: Nikita
You guys should answer this too.
1) Your HP nickname: Pam. Coz I forget otherwise.
2) Do you write fanfiction: Yes but I haven't finished any.
3) Draw fanart: *laughs* A bit but not by hand. I use graphics programs.
4) Review much: Well, mostly but if I just get to organize my thoughts. I only review stories I like.
5) Read too many fics: No, I think I've read too little.
6) Favorite house: Gryffindor because I know that's my house.
7) Favorite Gryffindor student: Harry Potter, of course.
8) Favorite Slytherin student: Erm... Draco Malfoy? I guess...
9) Favorite Ravenclaw student: Luna Lovegood
10) Favorite Hufflepuff student: Ernie Macmillan
11) Favorite teacher: Minerva McGonagall
12) Favorite overall character: Harry Potter
13) Favorite adult: Sirius Black
14) Canon/fanon Draco: Canon Draco and fanon Draco in only a few stories.
15) Canon/fanon Snape: Canon Snape only.
16) Voldemort or Dumbledore: Dumbledore, of course. I think sleazy people would choose otherwise. Haha, just kidding.
17) Cho, annoying or not: Absolutely annoying. Especially in OotP.
Shipping:
18) Your OTP: Draco/Ginny
19) Other ships you sail: Harry/Hermione
20) Intriguing ships: Draco/Ginny, Voldemort/Bellatrix, Tonks/Lupin
21) Underimpressive ships to me: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Tom/Ginny, Bill/Fleur, Neville/Ginny, Harry/Luna, anything slash (sorry, I'm not into that)
22) Hated ships: Draco/Hermione, Ron/Hermione, Draco/Pansy (no!), Sirius/Harry, Draco/Snape, Snape/Hermione, Draco/Lucius (oh God!), Ron/Ginny (incest!), any teacher/student, incest or adult/teen.
23) Het, slash or femmeslash: Het only because I like to keep my sanity in check.
24) H/Hr or R/Hr: H/Hr - my first ship ever.
25) D/Hr or D/G: D/G - no one can convince me otherwise.
26) H/D or H/SS: I'm not into slash but I'll go for H/D.
27) Older gen, younger gen or cross-gen: Younger. It's hard to picture the older ones as I haven't gone to that stage yet. Haha. I read more adventure fics anyway.
Fanfiction:
28) Canon or AU: Canon, for now. A bit of AU.
29) Fluff or angst: Angst!! Fluff makes me barf most of the time.
30) Darkfic: It depends because I tried reading a bunch of them and I was so unconvinced.
31) OOC or IC: In character. OOCs make me roll my eyes and click the X button.
32) SuddenlyVeryPowerful!Harry: I believe, yes.
33) One-shot or chaptered: Chaptered but long chapters. Haha.
34) Novel-length: Yes, I tend to read these more.
35) Gen, het or slash: Het, as I said, I like to keep my sanity. Gen, too, I guess.
36) Drabbles: Um... not exactly clear on what this is but as what I recall them to be, they're fine.
37) SuddenlyVerySexy!Draco: *barks with laughter* No, but it slightly depends on how it happens. Hmm... okay, no.
38) Fanfiction Pet Peeves: PWP, grammatical errors, MS/GS, OOCs, graphic and obscene moments, unreasonable events.
39) Canon or Fanon: Canon and a few fanon.
40) Many ships in one fic: Great, as long as there's no R/Hr or too much focus on slash. Can't bring myself to read that.
Books:
59) Cried for Cedric: No because I was reading GoF from a print-out that bled into the pages.
60) Cried for Sirius: I think during the fourth time I read OotP.
61) Dark or Light Side: Light side. I never dreamed of floating to the dark side.
62) Did the explanation of the prophecy satisfy you: No. I'm sure there's more to it. Argh.. have to wait until 2006!
63) Which character(s) needs some more development: Draco, Ginny, Snape
Fanart:
64) Favorite artist(s): Gwendy, Monica Starling, Yethro, Magsby, Bhaneside
65) Favorite drawing style: Vector art. It's so neat.
66) Love fanart of: Quidditch, DT, character portraits.
67) Fanart Pet Peeves: Weird looking faces like something's a bit off, too much Weasley freckles, Hermione looking like Emma Watson
68) Stick art: is what I can draw properly.
69) Shiny: That's fine. It's great.
70) Anime/Manga style: It's wonderful but I don't like the HP association.
71) Realism: This is amazing although sometimes the noses are overdone.
72) Cartoon: Entertaining and good for the eyes.
73) Gen or shipped: Not picky. Shipped ones make for good icons. Haha.
Misc.:
74) Blaise's gender: Male. But the name is totally female.
75) Tom Riddle's eye colour: Hazel...?
76) Luna fan: Not exactly a fan.
77) OC's, done or not done: Done... with great background.
78) Liking Weasley ships with 'Flame' or 'Fire' in the name: Only Fire & Ice.
79) Weasley love: Yeah, they're an interesting family. I'm more partial to Ginny, Fred & George.
80) Malfoy love: Erm... Draco might pass.
81) Potter love: Definitely.
82) Is Lucius really 49: No. The books says 41, right?
83) Brilliant ship name (Don't need to ship it, though!): Guns & Handcuffs, Fire & Ice, Gin & Tonic, Lions & Loonies
84) Plain stupid ship name: The Good Ship
85) Voldemort. Bald. Yes or no: Yeah, with a skeleton face too. I dunno how Ralph Fiennes is going to pull that off! Hehe.
86) The power He-Knows-Not and the power that saved Harry is: Some kind of charm...
87) Your view on Hufflepuff-ies: Loyal and good.
88) Should Ron say 'Bloody Brilliant' more than once? Ugh, no.
89) Hermione. Pretty. Am I right?: Only if she fixes herself up.
90) Best HP fanfic ever: Rising From Ashes - I was totally emotionally affected. Damn!
91) Rec the 2nd best, too: Hmm... Maybe Draco Dormiens.
92) Did HP change your life dramatically: Haha... I wasn't able to get my life in check before HP but I guess I'll say 'yes'.
93) Marauders. Like or dislike: Like. But I'm not too interested in them.
94) Prongs, Moony, Padfoot or Wormtail: Padfoot!
95) Could Lily have been an animagus too: I think she's not one.
96) What animal Lily would've been: One like Crookshanks.
97) Did Harry pass his Potions' O.W.L.s: Yes, enough marks to be an Auror, I think.
98) Did Ron: Yes.
99) Is Harry going to die or will he survive: Still firmly believe he's gonna survive but I will have to read the sixth book so I can choose a definite side. ;) There's a part of me that feels he's going t snuff it.
100) What gives you the most warm fuzzies in your stomach in the whole HP-verse: The humor, ship moments, book 5, movie 3.

I'll go study NOW

Snivelling Pipsqueak

2004-11-12T01:02:00.000+08:00

Sleeping is definitely my first priority. I dunno, but when I arrived home yesterday at 12 noon, I ate a quite decent fast lunch (for the first time in weeks) and slept until 6:45 pm. Sadly, I haven't recalled my correct time zone yet. I was awake at 3 am yesterday and now I just don't feel like sleeping. I know I'll regret it later on because yesterday at early morning class, my head hurt like I was having a prolonged brain freeze and my eyes were tempted to shut themselves for a while.

Today, I learned that our Botany lecture and laboratory teachers are unsatisfactory. Damn. What a way to start the term. I guess this means I'll just have to use my full determination and discipline. I read Biochemistry Chapter 1 at around 8-9 pm yesterday. I plan to read it again later... around 3 or 4 am... At least a number of times until my head gets it. I must get a high grade here. I know I can do it. I am just mostly overcome by laziness. *sigh*

Also, I was starting to get pissed off at the two people again. Oh yes, in a matter of two days. Let's talk about cousin - she's so dependent on me. For real, she's in all of my classes except Biochemistry lab. Damn, I expected that I wouldn't have to deal with her much anymore. Wrong assumption. I got my hopes up. Now I'm disappointed. She kept on making comments when the teacher was discussing something. I mean, hello can she just shut up for a moment? I was not reacting to her anymore because for once, I would like to digest and understand what the teacher is saying without any interruptions. She's blabbering too many things... It's as if she works the world to make things convenient for her. Oh so she doesn't want to listen so she talks to me and I don't get to listen either. At one point, I was really pissed - she was daydreaming, I guess and when the teacher said something so clearly upfront (we were at the second row but no one was seated in front of us so the teacher was directly in view), she didn't even hear what the teacher said and kept on asking me what it was. It was terrible - my concentration was ruined and I lost track of what the teacher was saying. Really, next time I won't sit beside her.

As for the best friend, she's still her old maarte and trying hard to be cute talker. I can't stand her, I swear. She was doing all those chatting with an air of girly-girly fakeness and had the touch of her know-it-all-ism. God, she was annoying. When I'm bored in class, I usually take a few strands of my hair from the right side with my hands and sort them out, run my fingers through them... Just like that. Ugh! Earlier, I saw her doing the same gesture. I swear it's so not in her character to do that. It only means one thing - she's imitating me again! Boohoo... How poor of her, the rotten sodding woman. I recognized the move immediately because I saw *me*. Do you get it? Shit. Just a few days into class and already she has begun her take over. This sucks. At least I get away from her in a few classes. Still not enough. Blaaaa!

I haven't been watching much TV anymore. First of all, I lost interest in Will and Grace because there is no more Just Shoot Me afterwards. I am so lonely. I love that show. I'll only get to see it once a week, then. Sundays at 8 pm Studio 23. I can't stop mourning.

News flash: I saw *someone* yesterday. It was a really awkward situation. I just messaged Xtina that I didn't get to see that *someone* and then later on, I was caught unawares. Frankly, I didn't know what to do and so, being me, when I don't know what to do I avoid the situation in a dorky manner. I didn't say hi or anything and I was merely staring at my friend, turning my head away from that *someone*. I could see that *someone* from the corner of my eye and it's like that *someone* didn't also know whether to greet me or not because I was not really looking. It ended this way: Nothing happened. My friend asked me if we were still in "no-speaking-terms" and I thought about it... Hmm... I guess we are, I said. The complications of morphed feelings. Needless to say, I didn't look that *someone* in the eye and I didn't even see how that *someone* looked yesterday.

Should be posting this already. I'm making a new layout.

Fancy Words

2004-11-11T04:35:00.000+08:00

First of all, DV15 part one is finally posted! It's kinda short but that doesn't matter does it? I wonder when part two will come. Probably in 5 months. Damn. Anyway, D/G parts were heartwrenching yet awesome.

I couldn't sleep! Well, I got home at around 9 am because our teacher didn't come for class today. So... I slept until 5 pm. I made my cartoon photo the rest of the time before I headed back to the room at around 11:30 pm. I was just tossing and turning so I decided at 3 am to get up and just use the PC. My normal sleeping habits are not back yet. *sigh*

The maid is pissing me off. She's really creepy. I was using the PC earlier and she went in the room, took one look at me then left. I heard her saying that she thought I was my sister (to no one in particular). What an excuse. She just wanted to check if she could use the TV, or maybe she just wanted to walk around the house as if she treads on her own earth. Ugh. She's everywhere and she's inserting herself in conversations. I was talking to my mom about the pin lights and she just walk by and stationed herself near the door making comments. Rude! I couldn't help myself - I kept rolling my eyes and making disgusted faces. My grandpa asked us where my youngest sister was and we said probably upstairs. When he walked to the stairs, the smoker woman went to him and said that she thinks my sister is something something. Hello! He wasn't asking you! She so lacks restraint.

I hope the teachers don't come to class today (haha). It's okay with me. I won't see it as a total waste of time. I'll be home by 11:30 pm or even before that. In truth, I'm still not in the mood to listen to lectures. Although, I will have to read for Biochemistry already because by tomorrow, our excited teacher will continue her lecture. God, the required books/modules are so expensive. There's this one that's less than 200 pages, black and white and it costs P800! Shit. I messaged my older cousin and he said he'd let me borrow some books. *Whew* I am so not willing to spend so much on some book that I probably wouldn't read or make full use of. I'll just get my books ready after 2-3 weeks.

No lunch again for me yesterday. Anyway, I've been focusing on breakfast nowadays. My dad cooks and he serves a lot of food. At least it's not in any way bad since breakfast should really be the heaviest meal. For dinner, lolo cooked steamed lapu-lapu. Oh-mi-gosh. It was so delicious! Haha. However, I didn't stuff myself with it. The seedless red watermelon was the one I gulped down.

I want to kill myself. I missed CSI yesterday! So stupid... Well, I was engrossed in making my cartoon. It's not even fully finished yet since the part knee-down sucks. I have to fix my Quidditch outfit. Haha. I will also be spending some free time making cartoons of my friends. By the way, I hope the one I made kind of resembles me. My brother said it was too thin - well, I can hope, can I? My sister said she thought it was Hermione. Hello! Hermione has bushy hair and she doesn't play Quidditch. Anyways, the other free times could be spent typing my stories. Finally.

God, help me live through school. I'm terrified. I might fail my plans again.

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age, and to imagine right up to the brink of death that life is only beginning. I think that is the only way to keep adding to one's talent, to one's affections, and one's inner happiness.

Biochemistry Of Life

2004-11-09T18:15:00.000+08:00

Well, I suppose this entry should be about school since today was the first day of class. Before I discuss that, I just want to say that I am appalled because there are actually a lot of people who can't stand D/G. Surprising, because I ship D/G and I think they're an interesting pair. I daresay that they do not have to be out of character in order to notice each other. C'mon! Damn, I feel like I'm debating with myself. I, for one, can't stand H/D. Really. I'm not into slash pairings and the teacher/student ones. Yikes! Haha... Enough of this.

I left early for school and I didn't want to join my cousin either. Guess what? The universe has conspired against me. My cousin has the same schedule as me except for one subject, which, I will be looking forward to. Damn! I can't believe it. Just when I thought I was free and going to be more eager this sem, the breaking news of that attacks me. I can't take this. I was actually nice to my "best friend" today. I dunno, I just felt like being kind, talking, smiling, and all those sugary-sweet thingies. However, I know, deep in my heart, that our 'friendship' will never be the same again. It is tainted... thus, thy bonding shall never repair itself or return to its original form. Blaaaaah!

We watched a movie today - The Incredibles. I went with a few blockmates. It was said to be really funny but when I watched it, my expectations weren't really met. Or maybe I was just too sleepy to realize. I fell asleep one time and I was just roused by a friend. The theater was so cold, I was really ready to sleep.

I also talked to a 'friend' earlier. He asked me about the game he lent me. How was it doing? I told him I haven't finished it yet -- which is half-true since I only tried it once and our PS is really faulty, it plays only games that it is "attracted" to. I asked him if he was still at school this sem, he said yes. I left immediately, not feeling great as to talking with him because of past reasons. Oh well, I have to let go of the past soon. It'll make me crumble.

My cough is still here! I haven't drank my medicine because there is no more medicine! I'll have to ask dad after I type this entry. My cough is getting drier and drier by the day. It sucks, my throat is really itchy. I wish I could use the long hand scratcher to scrape it. Heh.

We ate at McDonald's today and I just gulped down the juice, twister fries and 4 pieces of nuggets. I had about a spoonful of rice. I was not really in the mood to eat or maybe I formed the habit of skipping lunch already. Actually, another slight reason possible is that I lost my appetite due to the sight of *him*. Yeah, I saw someone. I was surprised... I don't even know if this person acknowledged my presence by waving at me. He could have been greeting his friends who were seated somewhere else behind me. *urk*... All I did was stare for a few seconds. Don't wanna go around shaming myself.

Biochemistry looks really difficult. I hate it already. But I will have to study. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow - since I lack sleep today - because I leave school at 10 am. Wahoo. I can't believe it. I have to buy totally expensive books (or borrow them) because there will be less modules this sem for the subjects. Dammit! A thin book costs P800. Argh... I am not willing to spend that much.

I know I have more to say but I'm feeling really disoriented. And DV15 is really taking too long. I expect it out by the 15th... I should really get to reading other things first. Like that Biochemistry module. Eeew! Just a peek.

I'm reading Winter's Debt. They say it's a tear jerker. We'll see.

Hey, this is a decent post! It is posted at a rightful hour. Wahaha. I am going ballistic. I must calm myself. Hehe. It's the effect of first day-itis.

Tomorrow, I'll Love You Tomorrow

2004-11-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

Big shit! Just Shoot Me was replaced by Friends... Ugh, I don't even like that show. I had a violent reaction earlier because I was furious that Star World would take away my favorite show and replace it with a series full of a bunch of crap. Waaah!

School starts tomorrow... I feel calm. Hehe. I just wanted to share something about what happened this morning. I slept at 7 am after another late night-early morning escapade with the computer. Later on, Eloisa, my 10-year-old sister was waking me up because a "classmate" of mine was at the gate. I was like... "What?" I was frustrated. Who would look for me at that hour? I told her to pass the message that I was still asleep. Minutes later, the smoke belcher maid entered the room and repeated whatever my sister said. I told her I had no class today. She acted like she didn't hear me so I raised my voice and reiterated. As expected, she repeated what I said then left - thank God.

I found out that the "classmate" was my cousin. She doesn't even know when classes start! In truth, I don't really want to have anything to do with her this semester. Moreso, the remaining semester. Is it too much to hope? She sent me a message - what days are my classes up to 7pm, she asks. Being the malevolent me, I didn't bother to reply. Probably because I was half-asleep that time and didn't want to be disturbed or I just didn't want to. Tomorrow, I will wake up extra early to get to school before she torments me. Haha. What's weird is that I feel a bit calmer towards copycat girl. Could be because I haven't encountered her much and she's always smiling at me when we meet.

An officer of my org informed me that the induction climb will be this weekend. This time, I swear, I'm going. Haha. I'm really lucky to be invited to the climb because there are 2 required climbs before you get inducted. I only had one... Oh I hope they allow me anyways.

The maid is really annoying. It's a good thing she isn't smoking (yet?) right now. As a matter of fact, she is ironing clothes (at this hour?). When I woke up earlier (5pm), she asked me, "Got no class today?" DUH! Isn't it obvious? She's so feeling close. She also asked, "You just woke up?" WHAT DO YOU CARE, BITCH? I hate the way she inserts herself into other peoples affairs. She's also creepy, the way she stares at me... I dunno. I couldn't help but shoot dark and deadly looks at her. What a freak.

DV15 is taking too long... I have to read something... or write something.

Oh No, Not You Too!

2004-11-08T02:05:00.000+08:00

Time moves so fast... Tomorrow, I go to school. I have to really prepare myself for this. Anyway, I spent the whole day yesterday sleeping. Stupid, really. I was not able to go with my family to the Holy Cross memorial to visit my uncle and grandpa. I remember that they did not waste any time trying to wake me up, anyway. Oh well...

Today, I was able to fix my PC. I have installed the new Windows already but there are still a few problems. First, the sounds do not work - I always have that trouble. Second, I haven't tried going online. Third, there are still two copies of Windows, although I deleted the useless one, manually. Fourth, the crack I downloaded for the image editor is faulty and when I try downloading it again, it's Cannot Find Server. Goddammit!

Yesterday, I changed the layout of my other blog and then I also added an entry. I was surprised to check it today and find about 4 comments there. Hmm... In truth, I didn't really digest the fact that *some people* check my blog ocassionally. Hehe. Pleased as I am, I still dwell upon the realm of confusion.

This is not the first time I've run out of something to say. Maybe it's because life has become monotonous right now. I'll just have to wait until classes start. I'm sure I'll be having a lot to say.

Oh dear... guess who's ALSO online right now...? Hehe.

Painfully Honest

2004-11-07T04:08:00.000+08:00

This will probably be the second to the last time I'll be able to stay up like this - classes start on Tuesday. God, how many times have I said that? Anyway, what have I accomplished?

Exchanged MSOffice CD... finally got to install.
Got an image editor and fixed all problems with it. Thanks to the internet sources of "cracks" haha... hacking ain't so bad, really.
Read.
Haven't eaten lunch for about a week. I'm just not into it anymore.
Told my mom and dad about the 3.00 and left before any reactions. Actually, my grandpa said something but I shut it out completely. I have a slight memory of what he said but I wil not dwell on it because I want to forget. My mom said, "It's okay." I wish she didn't say it. It made me feel worse than I already felt... I cried for about 5 seconds, then the tears were gone. A new record.
Slept early yesterday. I didn't stay up like today and the other days because my bro was using the PC... playing Ragnarok, as usual and I had to catch up on my sleeping. I fell asleep at around 11 (I think) pm and woke up at 1 pm the next day. Smashing.
I decided and researched what I'm going to do with my PC. I haven't used it decently for the past weeks. I accidentally installed 2 copies of Windows XP, there are too many errors showing and I must start it over. I'll do it next weekend.

Next, what am I supposed to accomplish?

Fix school things.
Write.
Finish and resolve the problem with my PC.
Make a new layout for the *other* blog (public).
Revert to normal sleeping habit.
Diet.
Save money.
Read books I haven't read.

News! That damn girl, who's been copying me, is doing it again... in subtlety. I hate it. I haven't really been posting much entries in the public blog and know what? She hasn't been posting much entries in her public blog either. Before, I used to post everyday. Before, she also posted everyday. Now I wonder why this *guy* told me that I was really enthusiastic in posting at my blog all the time and he didn't mention about copying woman doing that at all. Why is it always me? Grrr... It's a good thing I'll be with a greater pack of friends this semester. I just can't take it, hanging out with people who are so beside themselves.

I can't believe that so many people actually *failed* Chemistry. I thought there were only a few, not even a handful, but when I was at the line for enrollment (the very first, actually), I learned otherwise. Gosh... now I feel really fortunate that I received a passing mark, even if it was pasang awa. Thank you, Lord! I will really do my best starting from the start. Hehe.

Know what? I feel really weird... it's just that I have nothing more to say, nothing else I can think to say, and I'm excited to get started on the layout. I hope I finish it before 7 am today. Haha... so I can get to sleep before mom starts waking us up at 10 am.

Pureblood

2004-11-05T16:24:00.000+08:00

Just came from the enrollment. Damn... it took so long to pay because of an annoying guard and a stupid student assistant. Gosh... the cashier was even worse, she's there, sitting on her large butt and still moves so slowly as if seconds were cut in half. I rode the LRT along Taft and walked the rest of the way home. By the way, here is the schedule:

MONDAY
7-10 Botany Lab
10-11.30 Botany Lec
1-7 Chemistry Lab

*Note: I passed Chemistry but not with flying colors... 3.00 - what a shame but at least I didn't fail. A lot of others still haven't passed the subject! Gosh! Glad I'm not one of them.

TUESDAY
7-8.30 Physics Lec
8.30-10 Chemistry Lec
10-11.30 Zoology Lec
1-3 P.E. Recreational Arts

WEDNESDAY
7-10 Physics Lab

THURSDAY
7-10 Botany Lab
10-11.30 Botany Lec

FRIDAY
7-8.30 Physics Lec
8.30-10 Chemistry Lec
10-11.30 Zoology Lec
1-7 Zoology Lab

I saw most of my friends at school and I'm glad we have the exact same schedule. Wahoo! I was civil to the *others* and I am surprised that I managed a few smiles and hellos. Oh well, life will change this semester. I promise. By the way, I didn't see... HAHAHA. Erm...

I've had only about two hours of sleep. From 8-10 am this morning. That's because I was up all night reading Rising From Ashes. It is an amazing story, heartfelt, you could sympathize with the characters and throughout reading it, I kept saying "Oh my God!" in a lot of parts because of the fear that something bad would happen... I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it but I will definitely not stop myself from saying that the ending broke my heart. Haha... in a really bad way. I felt so disappointed, hurt, shocked, disbelieving and all of those things. I was at a loss for words. Despite the ending being a slap in the face, the story itself is totally wonderful. Never in all my years of reading have I seen such intense emotions written and the characters are so in character from canon that maybe it could have happened. It was sweet and horrible at the same time. God... I hope I get over this. You should read it... I swear... But not if you're doing something important. It will distract you completely because you'll feel so wounded after. It's like, "After everything... THAT WAS WHAT HAPPENED? DAMMIT!"

My cough has not departed yet. I saw Ginia earlier and she told me she had a cold. Great... Poor us. She also gave me some sweets and rice cakes that she brought from Leyte. Yay! I feel so special. Muwahahaha. Everyone at school is actually so nice, generally. It just sucks when they think so highly of themselves and it swells their heads. Haha... I guess I can deal with that, generally.

Mom peeped in the den this morning and looked at me weirdly. "What is wrong with you?" she asked. "What time did you sleep?" I looked at the clock. "Twelve," I lied. Then, she gave me the check for enrollment. I had to pay P6577.50 - hahaha!

Ugh, the maid is back from her "vacation". I am quite pleased to say that my sister has retrieved her phone and that the maid didn't steal it. However, she's still pissing me off because she's been whispering to the laundry woman about things... and I could almost make out what they're saying. I hate it when people have to whisper and withing earshot. When I entered the den, she was like, "Who is there? I think Pam is leaving." Blah blah... Paki mo? Bitch!

Classes start on Tuesday... I am already quite excited because I really want to do well this sem. That is a promise. Haha... I feel inspired and willed right now. It must be lack of sleep.

Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.

Bush Won

2004-11-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

Bush won. It's weird speaking those words as I really thought of myself not being affected by that since I do not reside in the US. I heard the adults talking a few days ago and they mentioned that it doesn't matter. Bush isn't going to do any good and his opponent, Kerry, isn't up to much either. Good luck, America.

I had a row with my, ugh, grandma again. What a bitch. Know what? I felt so much power, anger and hatred within me that I was able to speak in a really loud voice that contained so much conviction. Everything was clearly spoken. I had no loss for words and the right words were emphasized exactly. It felt great. It still feels great although anticipating the post-war effects is really nerve wrecking since I greatly assume that the old hag will spill the beans to my mother, who has warned me so many times not to "mess with your lola". Bah... no one could resist. She barged in the room slamming the stuff of my sister and blabbing out whatever. She always wants to scream and get mad; she has this itch to always pick on small things, to always find something that is wrong so she can open her goddamn mouth. I am so sick of it.

Right now, I am suffering even more because of the fact that I have no image editing program. I can't find my CD and so I'm stuck with plain colors only for webpages. Not that it matters in the future. I will focus on my thoughts -- who cares about the look? I can change that anytime.

Wasn't able to write a single sentence for the planned story. I was asleep from 10 am - 3 pm. and in the afternoon, we ordered pizza from Yellow Cab. I ate a slice and the second one is not even eaten fully until now. Frankly, I am not interested in eating much right now, which is a surprising change. I crave water. Maybe because I have a terrible semi-dry cough. Mom said it's because I stay up late and so my defenses have weakened. I don't think that's the case. I've had this for almost a week and I have just failed to mention it because I never expected it to last this long. The reason for that is I don't really catch cough and colds easily. I was never a sickly person and those headaches that caused me not to attend school are just faked. Less than 1% of those ocurrences are true. Ha! Even in the family, almost all of them have had asthma. Me? Never... I don't quite recognize the feeling of having a hard time to breathe. It could be because I always run around and so my body is comfortable with getting tired and all.

Should I go to school tomorrow? I know I should... I still feel lazy. What should I do? I know I must go. At 8 am, I leave the house and I expect myself to be back at around 10 am so that I can still enjoy the day. The day after tomorrow is enrollment. I am so not ready to face anyone. God, give me strength!

I didn't miss the CSI episode today. Damn... it was terrible. A really young boy accidentally killed his baby brother. Now, the whole family tried to cover it up and everything was all messy and complicated. I was really shocked when I saw the dead baby. Life's circumstances are sometimes really, really horrible. No wonder Grissolm was so worked up about it. Damn.

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.

Coffee, anyone?

2004-11-03T05:41:00.000+08:00

I'm still awake at this hour. This is beginning to become a habit - actually, I don't know if "beginning" is the right word to use. Maybe I should have entered "continuing" instead. Oh, what the hell... classes start in a week. There is not a pinch of excitement in me. I don't want to go to school yet. I am beginning to like (once again) my old habit of staying up (but not up to this time, really) and just using the PC (either creating layouts, surfing the net or reading fan fiction). Everything in school makes my life more complicated. It keeps me from being grateful and calm. I constantly have to worry about things and have to deal with a lot of people - and rotten ones at that.

For this whole time, I've been watching a bit of TV (my late night and early morning companion), playing Diamond Mine on Yahoo! Games and reading. At twenty minutes before 3 am, I decided to try something different. Getting up and walking to the kitchen, I prepared myself to make some coffee. It's been a really, really, really long time since I last sipped that drink. I had forgotten how to make a decent one. So, the hour of 3 had been reached (Time is gold, mom says, do not waste it because you cannot take it back.) and I was still at the dining room table, troubled, with two mugs in front of me. I ended up making two glasses because the water did not turn out to be hot enough and I took too much grounded coffee from the jar. Until now, the cups are still more than half full because I hated the coffee. I'm not really a fan of it. This has taught me a lesson. I will never drink coffee again - at least, the ones made by me... Starbucks could still tempt me. Hehe.

I planned to go to school today and finally get over with everything. However, I feel like I do not have the strength / desire to walk once again in the halls of the unsightly buildings. Maybe I'll give myself one more day (of sleep and pondering) before I go. There is no saying no to that anymore because it is the only day before enrollment that I could compose myself and finish everything. You can't run away from the war.

Is Hilary Duff 18 years old already? I thought she was at least two years younger than me. She's "The Chosen One" on Channel [V] for the month and they said, "... at eighteen..." - that caught my attention. She's eighteen? Well, maybe I'm just hearing things.

It's voting time in the US. I wish them good luck... They'll really need it. Not that luck actually had anything to do with past Philippine elections. Eeeuurrgh... let us not talk about politics. It makes my blood boil to 911 degrees Fahrenheit.

My younger sister's cellphone is missing. I know I shouldn't be too quick to judge but part of me believes that the maid took it. She's not here, by the way... she was given a day / few days off. Ugh... where the hell is that phone? Sun Cellular is becoming popular because of the free texts and calls... almost everyone is buying a sim card. Ehh... I don't care too much for that since I don't really chat with a lot of people using text messages... with a few exceptions - those who are really close friends. I don't really mind spending a peso for every 150 characters I send them. Plus, I don't really have any significant friends who've thought of switching to Sun Cellular - and to think, it's only free if it's Sun to Sun.

I slept at 7 am yesterday and woke up at 6 pm. Haha... I got a new record! I have turned my world, or rather day, around. My youngest sister was waking me up at constant intervals informing me that she had gotten some Ixora coccinea (santan) and she'd sipped all the juice from the flowers. I introduced her to that, the other day, at the Cavite cemetery. She was amazed at the flowers and at the sweetness, though I beg to differ, of the juice. All she did was keep coming back to the bush with flowers, picking them one by one and managing the technique of extracting the juice, which I proudly taught her. I just wanted to entertain her during that time. I also remembered my childhood days when I would steal those santan flowers from the neighbors (hello, it's outside their house - practically public property - haha), sipping the juice and leaving the bushes bare of flowers.

Anyway, my mom and dad know that I am awake at this hour and that I sleep in the afternoon. They seem to have no problem with it. My dad laughs when he asks me if I've just woken up during the night. My mom reprimands me jokingly about switching day and night. Well, I'm going to make good use of this time because this might be the last moment that I would be able to stay like this. Tonight is not likely because I shall be heading to school the next day. The next night is out of the question because the day after is enrollment. Oooh... Friday night and Saturday nights (and mornings) are kind of free. We'll see. Sunday is also possible... but not Monday because by Tuesday, classes start. I have to return to my old self again. Let's hope no one at school is thick enough to bother me (again). Gaaaah!

I want to write something... seriously. I feel like the time has come for me to continue my old stories that were left unfinished or start new ones. There are lots of ideas malingering in my head... Well, this takes planning and planning it shall be. This could get my mind away from thinking about crazy and frustrating things. I'm really excited about this. I will start tomorrow, when I get home from school. This will keep a smile on my face... and calm me.

To be happy, drop the words... if only and substitute instead the words... next time.

I Fail To See Your Point

2004-11-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

OMIGOSH! Check this out: JKR has new revelations on her website about HP book 6!
Chapter 2 - Spinners End
Chapter 6 - Draco's Detour
Chapter 14 - Felix Felicis

Goddammit... I am really interested in Chapter 6! A whole chapter - or at least its title - is dedicated to Draco! Wahoo... Can't wait. Can you? Waaah... why is JKR doing this to me / us? What is taking her so long? Gahh... still about a year or more to wait. Huhuhu. I could die from the suspense and excitement!

I'm on YM right now and I'm going ballistic. I was actually invisible and a few friends were able to keep tabs that I was online. Gosh... I kind of freaked - in a weird way.

Xtina, where are you when I need to speak to you? Oh yeah, don't worry, it's okay. You're with Japan. Hope you're having fun... unlike me. I'm starting to have the jitters that I did before. The one where I can't stand to be talking to someone and my brain is reeling with pressure, trying to find excuses to put an end to it and say bye-bye.

I am really having a hard time composing myself...

Okay, next topic.

Back to the HP chapters topic.

I'm not really a master plot theorist or a master plot uncoverer so I won't even attempt to give my ideas or thoughts on the matters. I am just excited about the "Draco" chapter... because I find it amusing. What could the detour be? Hmm... maybe he's going to do something DIFFERENT that will actually be GOOD. Fine, fine, will just have to wait.

By the way, JKR implicitly stated numerous times before that Draco was not going to be redeemed. Hmm... disappointing. Someone even suggested that maybe he was going to be killed off. Wahh.. I've kind of taken a liking to the character because of the fandom. People can really sprout an amazing character from a nemesis in the canon. Anyway, still hoping that JKR is just pulling our legs somehow and is kind of playing with words there... Haha!

This will be final! Promise: Another suggested that JKR may be clever with us by saying that Draco will not be redeemed. It could be because there is nothing he's got to be redeemed for. He's only a "prat" and not a person who's totally evil or something. :)

I can't take this anymore!

Take note that this entry is just full of drabble, codswallop and the such. I am just going on about things that are bothering me right now... good or bad. Wahaha! Let's get on to business.

I slept at 6 am yesterday and I met my grandpa on the way to the room. I ignored him and went straight to bed. He made some comment like, "You're going to sleep again?" Let me explain that. At around 5 am, he knocked on the door and asked me if I've slept yet. I lied and said yes and that I just woke up early. Later on, everyone was waking me up at 9 am because we had to rush to Heritage for the mass. I was ready at a bit past 10 am but when we arrived at the cemetery chapel, we were about just in time. Cool.

We headed to the Cavite house - where most family reunions are held - afterwards. No cars were there and I felt very fortunate but I smiled too soon because the moment I walked in, my sister laughed out loud because we both set eyes on a person I was not eager to see. Oh well... the day went by without any undesired encounters so I'm fine. During lunch, I ate a lot because I did not await the bopis at the grave site. Everyone in the family eats it... except me. I just cannot stand the thought of lungs, liver, intestines and other innards being eaten by me. I can't even glance decently at dinuguan.

Being at the cemetery was uneventful except for a minor commotion caused by the private bathroom door being locked. I played hero for a while because I found the wire that could be used to open it. Hehe. I can't forget the look on my tita's face - she was totally impressed. Gawd. At around 5 pm, we went back to the Cavite house and ate dinner - for the second time that day, I stuffed myself. I had a serving of every bit of food. Oh well... just for the weekend. Hehe! We went back to Heritage after bringing my cousin to a party at a friend's house. I just slept in the van during our stay and listened half-awake to the new CDs (courtesy of Xtina). Dad woke me up a bit later so we could drive to Jolibee and buy food. I ate a burger sandwich but that was the end of eating for the day. I felt too guilty!

More on events: I found some juicy stuff. My cousin was clueless enough to leave his cellphone with me. I was allowed to look through it anyway so I checked the Inbox and Sent Messages folders. I saw LOTS of messages from this girl, Magel. I'm not sure if they are an item or not... but I'm sure they have a thing. The girl's also too sensitive - she got mad about a joke and my cousin sent her about 3-4 messages apologizing. That happened a few times. Well, I didn't get the full scoop because my cousin woke up when there were still 94 messages left to read. *sigh* Too bad.

I just finished reading a fanfic that I recently discovered. It's an okay read. The story's not perfect over-all but I am really impressed by the writer's style. She uses brief paragraphs and she had a competent plot. It's a D/G fic. I think I'm a Fire and Ice person already. Check it out: All You Need Is Love. For now, I'll be reading more stories to pass the time and will post if any more are worth reading.

I'm going crazy. I'm still having an empty conversation with this person. Haha... life is playing with me again.

Sucks To Be You, Pam

2004-11-01T02:37:00.000+08:00

It's All Saints' Day. I remember a text message sent by my dad to my sister. It goes something like "Do not bother yourself today to go to the cemetery because of heavy traffic and many people. Now, instead of visiting our relatives, to save time, just ask them to visit you. It would be more personal then." Hahaha! Damn...

I was cleaning my PC earlier and I chanced upon an old folder I created. Instinctively, I opened it and found a bunch of my old unfinished fics. I am in a state of disbelief - this is because I reread those stories and I can't believe I wrote them. I did not realize I had that ability to write fiction like that. To be completely honest, they exceeded expectations. Until now, I am still in awe that I created those things. Wow, maybe I'll try to finish them one of these months. Haha. The writings were actually... good. Kind of like something that I would read myself (of course, dimwit, you wrote them).

About Ces' blowout, it was smashing. Plus, everyone let their hair down (except me, haha). We ate at Bubba Gump and the food was delicious. The bottomless iced tea thing was great although I only had 1 1/2 glass refill because I'm not really much into iced tea. I am more of a water or fruit shake person, I guess. It was shrimpy (hehe) over there and I just focused on eating the potatoes - fries and mashed. Anyway, there was this waiter with a short-term memory. It's really severe, you know. He should go to the neurology department to have a check-up. Someone should tell him that... or better yet someone accompany him because he might forget about it 0.3 seconds after you warn him. We asked him for a treat for Ces because it was her special day. He said okay and then disappeared into oblivion. I regret not spitting the shrimp tails at him. Ha!

We went to this bar after - Ice. At first, we were reluctant to go in. The first plan was actually at a bar with an entrance fee of P500. I checked my wallet today and gladly thanked the Lord that we didn't pursue that bar because I'd have shamed myself then and there. I was P300 short... I remember, I just went gift shopping. I just felt like I still had money. Nooo... I miscalculated! Hehe... silly me but I was just saved. At Ice, we first went to the Tarot Reading and Numerology guy (tippings only!). He told me a few things and explained that I could ask him 2 questions. I asked him if I could improve my school standing and he said YES. I asked him if there was a chance that I could get together with this guy I *liked* and he said YES. Well, I'm really doubtful because he said YES to all our questions. But a load was taken off me when he said I could work better at school. The last card also gave the message that things will get better... I hope so. The first thing he actually said was that a guy will persist to try and get together with me until I give in or something. Next is that I have an enemy right now and we will make up soon. Oh well, I don't feel like taking those things seriously... they're too... pleasing, I guess.

A few girls approached us later to ask us to join this game. Anyway, I obliged and was paired with a guy in a mask who was clutching a dagger. I had a dagger in my head, by the way. I guess that meant he murdered me and I came back as a zombie. Weird. Can one actually come back as a zombie? I don't have the time to ponder on that. So... we won first place and I desperately hoped that the prize was a digicam. I was so close to owning one. Unfortunately, the prizes were somewhat less than that I hoped but quite numerous. Disappointing but really funny because I wondered how I looked with that dagger on my head and will they be posting those pictures somewhere? Hope not. Haha!

Yesterday, we went to QC because my *aunt* was treating us out - she decided Hap Chan so Hap Chan it was - her birthday was some time ago. I really have no idea... like I care - after what she did to me. I didn't speak to her unless needed or spoken to. I didn't look at her unless I had to. I ignored her as long as I could. Actually, I surprised myself earlier because I didn't know I had it in me to do those things. Up to now, I still think that I'm this really good person who can't be bad to anyone (wait, the sentence isn't finished yet) face to face. Wrong. I discovered something new about myself, again. It's really surprising especially when I'm in a twisted realm of intense feelings - hatred, anger, fear, happiness, elation, whatever. She must have noticed that I was avoiding her. Anyway, she tried / attempted to remedy the problem but utterly failed. She even made it worse. She told me that my butt grew smaller. Great, I didn't feel an inch better. What a desperate act. [End of malingering wrath.]

Later on, we're going to two cemeteries. First, Heritage Park, where my tita (dad's sister) is buried. Afterwards, we're going to do the ever-traditional thing: Go to a Cavite cemetery and visit my great grandparents (father's side). Yesterday, we weren't able to visit my grandpa and uncle (mother's side) at Holy Cross Memorial because of other plans. I'm not sure if we're still going there this "soul" season because of the feared traffic. Last year, we spent all our time in the car, trying to get in, and just a moment to sit down and pray.

Anyway, I am thinking of not going to the Cavite thing because I will definitely meet my cousin there. Sorry, but I don't want to see her face right now... even never but that's just hoping too much. It looks like I hate a lot of people. No, I think this is far too less than the hatred that, for example, terrorists and activists have. So, bear with me and understand that I am just a normal person suffering from disliking-itis of people who are so thick and full of shit. Haha! The reason why I don't want to meet the girl (ever again) is because I hate her guts, I hate her pompousness, she's so pretentious (pa-cute), and just annoying. Last Friday, I was watching Bubble Gang and they had this term, kwento-labit, something like that. It's exactly her. I thought about her the moment I heard the word. My upper arms are sore from all the tapping she's doing. During one conversation, she hit me on the mouth thrice and consecutively because she just can't keep her hands down and still. She also makes me her secretary. Always letting me do the copying of notes when she's too lazy to do it herself and then borrows them at an oh-so-inconvenient time to photocopy. Another thing that annoys me is her being a social climber but I think I've already discussed this issue before, more or less. I hate dwelling on it but I just have to rant though all I really wanted to say is that I'm really sorry that I have to see her obnoxious face tomorrow. Good grief!

I can't get over Cassie's humor fics. Earlier, I was relieving myself from the anger by telling my brother about them. We just kept on laughing and I didn't care about people at the restaurant who stared. I need to laugh. Btw, Charlie Hunnam reminds me of her Draco character in her trilogy... well, maybe "reminds" isn't really the word but he kind of looks the part, I guess. Waahh... still can't get over the fact that Alex Band is already married to Jennifer Sky. It sucks. Maybe I'm dreaming... kick me in the face to wake me up, please! As I've said to Xtina, it's really bad that Alex didn't even try to consult with the two of us before he decided to marry her. Hahaha! Okay, this is just me being me.

Target date for house to be ready and set: November 15!!!

Wala nang tulugan hanggang mamaya!

Nyek!

2004-10-30T15:04:00.000+08:00

First of all, I want to say Happy Birthday Ces! Another friend turned a year older. Hehe. I'm blogging at the same time yet a different part of the day. It's 3 PM. Har har.

My sister and I went to Rob today. I bought gifts and she wanted to buy jogging pants. Unfortunately, she did not fancy any of the pants we've seen. Since the mall is close to our school, I passed the gates and was ready to walk in to check if I failed, get clearances, and see my grades. Damn... the school was closed. What luck! The only time I ignored being lazy was the time the school was not ready for me. Now, I'm even more anxious. I must get to school before November 5th (enrollment) to clear myself of worries and from the school laboratories.

I was able to buy *gifts*. Hehe. My sister also treated me to Burger King. It's a good thing I decided to order the small meal only because after a few spoonfulls, I lost my appetite. My tummy hurts. Maybe it's because I am used to just sleeping at this time.

The MSOffice CD was also replaced. However, I'm having a hard time searching for the setup.exe files in the CD. Damn that woman, I don't want to return to that place anymore to have the disk replaced for the third time. It's a waste of energy, you know. *sigh*

Bad news: Xtina informed me that Alex is already married to Jennifer "%$#(*@&" Sky. Waahh... she's right - September 27?!??! She told me it could be confirmed at The Loft. Take a look at: THIS! Life is a living hell. Oooh... Anyway, Alex looks hot in that picture, eh? Haha!

Don't Even Try

2004-10-29T04:07:00.000+08:00

Back to the sem break habit. I'm just sitting at the usual chair, typing a blog entry, surfing blogs and FAP while watching television. Earlier, I was playing PS - Tactics Ogre. It's one of the few games that I really like playing. The games on the top of my list are FF8, Silent Hill, Suikoden 2, and Clockwork Knight. RPGs rock! Hehe. The FF5 my "supposed friend" lent me doesn't work in the PS... our model is kind of picky with games because it's an old one and has been switched on power overload so many times. Anyway, I wouldn't want to be playing with the CD *he* lent me because I have permanently cut a string from our friendship.

I seriously thought of LEAVING my old blog... like, I won't post there anymore [maybe I would, like once a month] and just have it online because this is a much better and safer place to reveal my thoughts. Plus, no one COPIES me. Hehehe! I think I will do that... plus, another *friend* seems to be thinking along the same lines, though, I'm not entirely certain.

It's a date on Saturday evening. Ces is celebrating her birthday... I'm kind of a dimwit because I forgot where. I just remember the floor and time. Haha! I'll just have to ask her or Xtina. It's the second time this week that I'm out of the house - wahoo! And I won't forget to have the MSOffice CD exchanged. It's been two weeks and that has no effect whatsoever on its working condition.

There is a promise I made to myself. On Saturday, I shall go to school in the morning. Why?
1 - To clear myself of the Chemistry worries.
2 - It's about time I grabbed my class cards and determined my sem average.
3 - So I can sleep. The anxiety has something to do with my 3-hour guilt and panic rush when I lie down before I can drift off to a lovely sleep.
4 - Clearance business.
5 - Walk by Rob Place to buy a gift for Ces.

Our maid is really creeping me out. Help!

I feel bad... I missed the Wednesday CSI episode! Damn me! I only realized it when I was lying in bed and thinking about the day. What a stupid thing to have done... and to think I swore to never miss another episode. Bummer.

Just finished rereading GoF last night (hours ago, I mean). I didn't read through it thoroughly. I was just recapping myself with the events because I seem to have forgotten some. Plus, I realized that there were some parts there that I've never read before. Hmm... gives me the idea that the print-out GoF from the internet was not authentic. Muwahaha! Oh well... I will proceed to the nth rereading of OotP while hanging on the wait for any new HP thingies.

I'm having a difficult time referring to time. I'm posting at weird times so when I say "yesterday"... it doesn't really feel like yesterday. When I say "hours ago"... it could mean today but it was actually the day before. "Last Wednesday," which feels like yesterday but was actually two days ago... Haha... this is the complication of doing things at peculiar hours.

Weird, you know, I forgot to eat lunch yesterday because of Yahoo! Games. I was so engrossed in playing Zuma and Alchemy that when I finally stopped and looked at the clock on the wall, it was almost 4pm. Crap. Funny how I didn't feel any hunger pangs. Hehe. Later on, I proceeded to play Noah's Ark... I reached level 86 (somewhere around those numbers). I'm addicted.

Good deed for the day: I sewed on ribbons on my mom's point shoes. Yes, she dances ballet - that's our little secret. I'm really proud of her for doing it. I used to dance but I lost interest because I hated always pretending to smile onstage when my feet were already hurting from dancing on pointes. I'm not much into tutus either. Here's another little secret: By summer next year, I will really lose weight and when I've done that, I promised my mom that I would go to ballet class with her. Do not laugh at me. I will do that. It will be such an adventure. Hehe. It's weird how I really don't dread next year.

Imperio

2004-10-27T03:58:00.000+08:00

I dozed off at around 7am yesterday and woke up at 5pm. This sucks... or maybe not. I have free and unlimited internet use at the wee hours of the morning so I don't really regret it. I've surfed more sites with less guilt than ever. Mom's right. My time zone has changed. Morning has become night and evening has become day. What a blast! Hehehe.

All I did was sleep, eat a bit and read a lot. I didn't miss sitcoms though. There is a certain show I missed. It's because of the freaking maid. She's so freaky because I caught her scratching her butt - skin to skin! Couldn't she do it in the bathroom? Plus, she's edging on in my life... she hangs out here at the room and watches TV. I don't mean to be selfish but c'mon, I really can't stand her presence.

My plan of exercise and losing weight during the sem break was never put into action. I am always asleep, I feel better watching TV and we got the new maid and she keeps on stationing herself at distracting places in the house that I don't even have the privacy to do sit-ups. What an ugly situation. We're moving in the new house by December... terribly long wait. I'll just be patient... I can pull this off.

It's The Simple Life on ETC right now. Damn, even if they're supposedly living a *simple* life, they've got a more complicated show than I expected. Their lives are more exciting than mine is at the moment. Both girls look fabulous and seem to be enjoying what they're doing even if they have no money or shower. Gosh... not even a fly would set its wings on my arm if I were in that condition. Hehe.

Yahoo! Games have also been taking some of my time. Since Rai introduced me to the Zuma game, I kept on trying all the others and I did enjoy playing them. Haha... finally, something I discovered to pass my time when I have to stay up for exams next semester. Note that I never stayed up this late when there were tests (I slept earlier, actually.) but now that I'm doing nothing, I am wide awake. Ain't that ironic? I did try this for tests but only a few times. I remember twice for Chem - one at home, the other with Ginia and Pat at Pat's condo, and the last one was for the Chem finals - I had to do it.

Talked on the phone with Faye, earlier. We finally got to talk and she told me about her failure in Chemistry. I assured her it was okay since the subject is undeniably difficult. My anxiety about myself having to take the removals and failing is back because I remembered a classmate telling me that some people who were supposed to take the removals didn't come and I thought I must be one of them. Think about it, though. I needed 47% to pass and not take the removal exam anymore. Studying nonstop until 4am would surely get me through to pass enough, won't it? I sure hope so. I really don't want to get disappointed. Grr... I hate this. WHY am I still having these feelings? There's really nothing to be bothered about.

CUT!

I should really forget about that. It was last sem. Nothing bad will happen to me.

Honey Stars Cereal

2004-10-26T03:53:00.000+08:00

For the thousandth time this year, I am horrendously pissed off. It's my aunt... my mom's sister. She's such an old maid bitch - with definite emphasis. Yeah, I bet the reason why she's never got a husband is because of her hypocritical and careless attitude. She needs to grow up, seriously. Okay, this is stooping too low. I'm just angry at her because of her inconsistensy. She couldn't even say something to my face. Weeks ago, at my grandma's party, I told her I was on a diet. These were her exact words: "Why? You're not fat." That put a smile on my face and a dimple on my soul. After that anyway, my mom argued that I was fat, my butt was large, yadda yadda. Fine. I've gotten over my mom pounding [mind the pun] those things at me. This aunt of mine, apparently, has either a forgetful nature or a weak eyesight. My sister purposefully let it slip during dinnertime that my aunt said I was, take note, "Very fat." Great. Not only did she not say it to my face but she lied to me, made me a fool, was hypocritical, and back-stabbed me. She is so full of shit. I never liked her lack of tact. For so long, I've ignored her being like that since she surprisingly has the ability to be nice.

Nowadays, people have really gone too far in messing with me. There will be no more wamby tamby and ickle-nice me because that was already abused before. I warned you, do not provoke the lion who appears tame because it will force its way out of the cage and tear you limb from limb until not even the highest powers of medicine can bring you back. Okay, that was far off but you get my point. Everyone is really mean.

Just for me to be mean, this aunt of mine constantly brags about her being the top of her class. Well, I'm not impressed. Why? She's 40 years old for God's sake and taking nursing classes at some school. She picks petty fights with her classmates and actually has high school issues with them. Really, I thought people have truly grown-up by that age. Apparently, she has not. She indeed picks fights and she has picked one with me. Oooh, will she regret her attack on my wrath. Don't worry, no animals will be hurt in this process.

I'm so angry again. As I've let it out anyway, I'll just switch to other topics to relieve the stress I'm feeling and to lighten the mood a bit. I wouldn't want my aura to forever be floating on the anger color and feel.

I've been reading these: The Changeling Hypothesis and You're Dead, Potter. Frankly, I can't explain what I am currently feeling and thinking. These theories are so well-thought of and can't help but be sound. There's a minor part of me that's convinced yet a bigger part of me that just won't believe anything until I have finished reading the whole series. Gosh... what have I been getting myself into? I've reached the depths and ends of theories, discussions, fan fiction, and websites of the HP universe. However, I will not complain and say that all time is wasted. These things are actually useful, worthwhile, and thought-provoking. Honestly, reading those left an utterly bad feeling within me. I can't complain, though. Those were well thought of and carefully produced. It's not impossible for JKR to delve into that kind of plot. Anyway, I will proceed to reading Soul of the Phoenix, which is a follow-up to the above theories.

From a link at a website, I was able to view Tom Felton's blog. I never knew that he actually had a passion - should I call it that? - for fishing. He seems like a warm-hearted person and a lively boy. However, I can't help but notice that his physical appearance does seem to scream out "Draco Malfoy!" endlessly. He simply has this look on his face when he poses for pictures. Anyway, I noticed he's actually kind of good-looking. There are photos of him with his head shaved to an uno and it suits him well. That kid has a bright future ahead of him.

I checked my approved schedule at the pre-enlistment website. Goddammit! I was not approved in other classes so I was separated from my blockmates/friends. Well, I wasn't the only one. Jill and Ysa were with me in the Friday 7pm class and I am truly thankful that I get to be with them. However, I checked the account of the copycat and I think she's with me too. Damn. I almost got away. Gladly though, I'm not in the same class with obnoxious cousin. I'm evil, but being with her most of the time has thinned-out my tolerance. Being good once again, I want to say that I'm sorry that it's true. Well, good luck to me next semester. I promise I will do my best but I won't abandon you dear blogging world.

On a sad note, I found out from Ginia that my close friend, Faye failed chemistry. I feel really bad. For a few days, I've been trying to get in touch with Faye but she's not replying to my messages. Maybe she's not ready to talk about it. On her defense, Organic Chemistry is really hard. It sucks the life out of you... plus, our teacher was no help. She was even a load on the back and she pushes you down by her hard quizzes and pressuring nature. No wonder I was always in a vomiting position every time there is a mention of Chem-*barf*. I know I really shouldn't despise the subject. I hope to be in the field of Forensics if I don't go through Med school and Chemistry is a big factor in the field, as I've observed in the CSI episodes. Damn! I need to get a hold of myself.

Still haven't claimed my grades and dragged my ass to school for the clearances. I'm too lazy. There is also fear in knowing my grades. A guy in my batch, who I've known does not get exactly high marks in the tests, received an astonishing good grade in Calculus. Not to be rude but I've done better than him. I'll be completely devastated if I was given a grade lower than him. Unfair. Life is unfair. It's true: Grades aren't really a measure of our intelligence and what kind of person we are. But then, what is? I also hope I did well enough in the Chemistry finals that I was able to scrape a grade even a bit higher than a 3.00. Is my teacher considerate? No. Is God good? Yes. Then I have a chance.

Then again, I'm not really a sluggard. Half a day ago, I met up with Rai at Glorietta because we promised to meet up when we talked on the phone a day before. We hadn't seen each other since June and so both of us were really up to this meet and greet thing. She handed me a book, The Sandman, as a belated birthday gift. It looks interesting and Rai did tell me that it was similar to the Anne Rice ones so I'm sure I'll have no problem flipping through the pages.

I arrived at the mall hours before the arranged meeting time so I book-shopped. Going to different bookstores, I bargained for the lowest fee of an HP book. Supposedly, I was going to go for the hard-bound one but I didn't want to spend that much money anyway so I ended up spending a lot less and I feel proud of myself. It's uncanny but I didn't have (until I bought it hours ago) a copy of The Goblet of Fire. An online friend just sent an MSWord file of it to me so I printed it on long bond and stuck it to a folder. Since then, my dad didn't express much effort to buy the book despite the event of cheap, smaller and soft-bounded copies of it being released to the market. I pretty much annoyed them just by purchasing the hard-bound copy of The Order of the Phoenix at peak season from Amazon. Why didn't you just download it online? Why didn't you buy it locally? It's out of stock. Why didn't you wait? Hehe. Well, I finally own a copy of the book (GoF) and I've been reading it. It feels like I'm scanning the book for the very first time. You know, it's different viewing the text from printed newspaper-like long bonds than from the neatly published ones.

Rai treated me to Mexicali. I hadn't learned my lesson yet. I still ordered the same burrito I did when I last ate there and so I was only able to gulp down 1/3 of it. Seriously, that meal gets me full with just a few bites. Or maybe hunger was past me already since we ate at almost 3:30 in the afternoon already. We moved around the mall, just telling stories, checking out clothes (I swear, I never really enjoy doing this but I find it interesting and entertaining sometimes), and just plain walking. We never stopped walking for hours that I begun to wonder if I still had my Chuck's on. Later, we shared a banana split - this is a platonic relationship - from Icebergs. Oooh... I love that store. My favorite is the Strawberry Parfait. I could gobble it up anytime, anywhere. I had to leave after that. I promised my mom that I'd be home by 6. Needless to say, I spent nothing on food today and I arrived at the house at 7:40pm.

Cheez Ums and Homemade Pepperoni Pizza

2004-10-24T03:11:00.000+08:00

Here I am, still kind of pissed off. You know the reason. Oh, wait, maybe not. The maid has continued her habit of smoking late nights (or even afternoon-nights). I approached the kitchen a few whiles ago to get some h2o and I caught a whiff of the pungent odor. When I entered the bathroom, which is connected to the kitchen through a window, I inhaled the smell again and thereby polluting my precious lungs. When the adults left for mass and grocery shopping, she immediately went to the terrace to satisfy her desire to smoke. I could detect the smoke from inside the computer room. Damn her! I hate her. Plus, she's so talkative. She keeps on trying to make conversation with us and she says such pointless things. I am not sorry for saying this. Call me heartless, cruel, bitch, whatever, but I am just not accepting her into our lifestyle. She's too... sneaky. Sometimes I catch her just standing at a corner and it's like she's waiting for one of us to come into view so she can "watch" us. Creepy.

Mom said another month is added to the long wait for our transfer to the house. My dad and lolo wanted more changes and there were so many termites. Goddamn termites! I hate you, along with cockroaches, rats, poisonous spiders and snakes and all the ickys of nature. Sorry but you guys just gross me out and the thought of you is so icky. *sigh* I'm being too angry for such a petty reason. Well, more days of torment in this old house. The old people are on my case all the time. Would you believe my privacy was sort of invaded while I was peeing in the bathroom? Haha... damn shit.

I spent the whole day reading... on the computer. I downloaded some novel-length fics (HP ones) to relieve the long anticipation for the last two books of the series. I heard book 6: 2006, book 7: 2008. Better? HPGoF movie: 2005 November. Yay... I can survive this. I had already forgotten about this HP thing and distracted myself from it but, as I said before, I reread OotP and it's all coming back... Blend in to Celine Dion's hit song... Haha just kidding.

These have got to be the most hilarious things I've read in so many months: Something Impossible and A Lot to Be Upset About.

To add to that, Molly Shannon, of SNL and a whole lot of hilarious movies is an addition to my most admired comedians. She brings out the ROTFLMAO [rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off] person in me.

Recently, I realized for the umpteenth time, that I love to write. It has become a stress reliever for me, a daily activity, a friend, and it might be a little uncanny to say, but a passion. It's one of the closest things to my heart and I will absolutely despise one who would imitate my style. That, which I will elaborate later on. It's not that I have a completely original technique in writing. I read a lot. That's a strength of mine. There's not only books but articles, newspapers, magazines, internet opinions, blogs, and all those things. I also have a queer ear because I definitely listen. Especially since people do have a way with words - unknowingly giving themselves away even with what little they speak of. I do not forget easily what is said to me and I am happy about that. This ability has helped me reveal a lot of things. Yeah, man... that is a fact. Bottomline: I like reading. I like writing. It's a good combination. I may not be the best at what I do... zut... I am enjoying it.

Let's talk about the chienne. It's a fact. I really need someone older to give me advice. It's not that I have no friends. They are indeed present and they do give me wonderful support and advice but I just want to see this "teenage" thing from an adult's point of view. This may look/sound/seem crazy... Well, it is. I hope you play along with me. This is just a way to vent my anger. Let it stand like I am talking to someone so that I do not become a real lunatic by talking and steaming anger with myself (only) too much.

I envisioned conversing with... Dumbledore. Okay, turn down the laughter volume. He's a wise guy, anyway. I also thought that since a certain You-Know-Who fears him, why shouldn't a certain copycat? Yes, this is about that person again.

DD = Dumbledore; PG = me

DD: Nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!
PG: What?
DD: Alas! Earwax!
PG: What?
DD: Ah... sorry my dear. I thought you couldn't hear me. What did you want to discuss with me?
PG: I AM SO FREAKING PISSED OFF WITH ***** ALREADY!
DD: ....
PG: There is most definitely the need for me to talk with someone.
DD: What?
PG: Alas! Earwax! You, sir!
DD: Well, well, get on with it.
PG: I want to point out that you are very much out of character.
DD: You just can't write me well. Anyway, carry on...
PG: Well, it's been what, almost 3 months that I have been harboring this anger towards her. I despise her because she's such a bitch. She copies everything I do. EVERYTHING. I am so irritated. She's also such a show-off and she has a big head. Everyone telling her that she's goddess-like has gotten to her head. I wouldn't be surprised if it exploded aeons ago. I hope it did.
DD: Calm yourself. You have nurtured the anger. Letting go is the key.
PG: I'm so sick of that crap! No one understands because I'm the only one who is around this person and I'm the only one she copies/imitates face to face. It's so sickening I want to hurl right at her face. I really don't like her. She's destroyed her good image for me. I hate her... Hating her has become a passion.
DD: Ah... the strongest emotions one feels are indeed passions yet the mere fact of paying this attention or feelings toward a person is proof enough of weakness. Just like love. I may as well call it a soft spot of each one of us. Emotions do not make good decisions that's why it is said not to make a decision when one is angry or moreso feeling any other intense sensation. The mind is what makes the rationalization. It is quite safe to have the mind over matter because you choose the right path and not what you feel is right.
PG: But... aren't feelings also important?
DD: True. True. It is wrong to assume that the mind always leans towards what is right but you cannot deny that emotions have a great effect of overpowering the mind, not thinking of the consequences. Emotions help us see beyond the surface. We get a view of the inside and we experience the situation.
PG: Well, I just know that I really hate her because she copies me. It's scary... like she wants to be me. I'm not being an airhead but there have been too many cases that she's really taking in my style. IN FRONT of me... right IN MY FACE. It's annoying.
DD: Do you think that she is doing it on purpose?
PG: It's hard to tell. But what matters is that she's gone far enough.
DD: Could you enumerate some events?
PG: I'll tell you things she's copied. Writing style, headband, pants, cologne, expressions, templates, hairstyles, friends, reading materials, entries, attitude,more...!
DD: Do you really despise this person?
PG: Yes!
DD: Well, it is said by the wisest men that in one you despise, you see a reflection of yourself.
PG: Of course I see a reflection of myself. She copies me! That's what I hate! I see myself in her because she takes a part of me and plasters it all over her! I have to escape this... I have to get away from HER! She's detrimental to my life.
DD: I know that imitation is the best form of flattery.
PG: Sir, I thought you were beyond this. You've been using quotes to talk to me all this time. Don't you have any of your own ideas? Something I could do? Avada Kedavra maybe?
DD: ...
PG: Just kidding. What can I do?
DD: I'm sorry, I have to give you the same advice as everyone has. Forget her. Let go. If she want to copy you, fine. She will live her life like that and you just ignore her. Do not befriend her for she has not served to be loyal but to be superficial. You do not have to be around her, you have people willing to be devoted friends. They will be around to support you.
PG: But she gets all the credit! And people don't even notice that she's doing these imitations. Good grief!
DD: The war will be over soon. May I suggest a spell?
PG: What is it, sir?
DD: Stupefy.

Assez! Hmm... that didn't turn out quite stable but I surprisingly feel funny. That's it for now.

Dressed To Impress

2004-10-22T18:37:00.000+08:00

I fell asleep at 10am and woke up at 4pm. I did wake up early today but I lost all willingness to stay up and to whatever. It's so weird. Anyway, tomorrow will be another day and I shall start with my right actions then.

Today, I started watching a show on ETC, Starting Over. It's a bit more interesting than I expected. I'm not really the type of person who watches those kind of reality TV shows that dwell upon real people's personal lives and goals. I'm more of the challenge, mystery, police department shows... For the past year, I have not taken much interest in science fiction shows anymore. The Mutant X show has not been taken to my liking. However, X-Men, Spider-man, and other superhero movies/series are exceptions, mainly because I still like action and there is a certain je ne sais quoi in them. Eversince the Godzilla paper I wrote for English class in 1st year, I lost all interest in sci-fi simply because it's so fake and unappealing to me. I don't like it. There is no fascinating-enough basis for those kind of shows and ideas, imho. Fantasy, on the other hand, is beyond great and I've been liking it for the longest time. Since Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, and all those related, I have been open to these kind of stories. Okay, enough. I just wanted to say that I watched Starting Over.

I can't take it. The HP wait is too long. I shouldn't have reread OotP.

Everyday, I never miss the shows Will and Grace, Just Shoot Me, Mulawin, Forever in My Heart. However, I did miss the FiMH episode yesterday because my brother wanted to play PS. *sigh* CSI and The Practice are also weekly episodes. I try watching One Tree Hill and The O. C.

I forgot to mention, when I watched The Practice during Wednesday of this week, I was shocked. There was a pregnant woman to be tried and she insisted that even if she was almost in labor, the trial had to push through. Okay, fine. She 'murdered' her husband and she's confessed to it but because of self-defense. He always battered her and kept on saying that he would kill the baby inside her. She had an abortion before and she's consulted with a divorce lawyer... etcetera. Anyway, after all of the prosecution's arguments, she was still acquitted. The twist is in the ending. When the two lawyers who defended her, Jamie and Eugene, visited her at the hospital, they saw that her baby was black. Yes, so that means her husband wasn't the baby's father. It was another man. That leaves the viewer thinking... Did she kill her husband to get him out of the way? Or is Jamie right... Did it mean 'nothing at all'? I was so disturbed. Anyway, next week is the season finale and Bobby is leaving...? Well I did hear that the actor - Dylan McDermott (correct?) - was really planning to leave the show.

Gosh, I must really be doing nothing. Here I am talking about TV shows, their episodes and actors. I've never done this thoroughly before.

HP Hype

2004-10-21T22:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I forgot to mention that I was having one happy night because of another CSI episode. I missed the show last Wednesday and after I discovered that, I vowed never again to let it slip my mind. 8:00 or 8:15pm Studio 23. Hehe. So to say, I was really shocked about the "murder weapon". Mercury injected in boxing gloves? Whoa... I never thought it was possible for a liquid metal to still have the same harsh effects to the one suffering the trauma as solid ones when hit against.

I also caught CSI: Miami afterwards and I was awake throughout the episode. It wasn't bad, actually. Maybe I was having biases when I watched it before so I didn't really enjoy it. Horacio didn't seem as annoying as always and the cases were interesting enough. I guess I'll be watching that show from now on.

Slept late yesterday (3am) because I was doing some catching up on the HP news. It's been really long since I last hung out at the forums. Hmm... since the second movie, I think. Well, I went there sporadically but didn't read much; just checking out the news, that's all. This must be the hype caused by reading OotP again. Hours ago, I just watched PoA on DVD. Ain't that great..? Hehe. Okay, before I forget to speak about it, I didn't wake up in time today for my plans. I still woke up at around 2pm. Damn, this bad habit has got to stop. Therefore, I am sleeping not a second after 12mn. That is a promise. I really have to get started. There's about 3 weeks left for me before all opportunity is lost. Wahaha... seems like a life-death situation here.

Our block was supposed to have an EK trip today. Nothing happened. No one informed me if the plan was pushing through anyway. Maybe they went on with it...? I dunno. Still, I think the EK trip was cancelled. Another trip, the one in the org I joined at school, is this weekend. Thing is, I am not sure if I can go on that climb. Maybe I'll just have to be inducted next semester.

I want to rant about someone because everyone has a totally wrong impression about her. Simple? No freaking way... you just think that because you haven't been with her up close. Nice? You should hear her talking to those she's been with for long. She has this impatient and irritated tone (always). Humble? *barf* *barf* Man, she can be as big-headed as a giant and has this feeling of superiority. She thinks she's so smart and when she can brag, the opportunity is immediately grabbed. Cute? One word: puh-leeze! In short, I am sick and tired of spending time with this person. What's even worse is that there's so little possibility that I'll ever get away from her. She's annoyingly a social climber and every little thing that comes out of her mouth is money, rich people and issues that have to do with one's social status. I'm so sick of listening to her. I especially hate the way she sets high standards when, in fact, she's not actually in the position to do that. It takes so much to please her... she only lets herself be impressed by rich, older and popular guys. She doesn't even set eyes on normal ones. Maybe she does but she never let's anyone know it. Blah... I'm really pissed off. How can I escape this person? Another bad thing is that when I ignore her or just try to get away from her, I'm the one who looks like the bad person and people won't stop reminding me of that. Even my friendship with others get affected because they think that they are 'taking me away'. Oh please do. Hehe. I'll stop now. What I abhor about her would take up more than 200 pages, for sure. Some people are just so full of themselves.

I am so addicted to this perfume I bought a week ago. It's so pleasant and I use so little of it every time to save it. I won't hide that it was expensive. Oh well... everyone agrees that it's mabango. =) I wonder if it lasts 5 years, will the smell go away? I hope not. Haha... weird thought but I just don't want it to go to waste.

Turning My Back On The World

2004-10-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

Today is the day I finished reading OotP for the 4th time... or 5th... I don't remember. I spent the whole day with my sister in my parents' room, in front of the TV, and she watched movies. This was practically because I woke up at 2pm today. The cause of that is I slept at 2am because I was up reading OotP. Hehehe. So far, I haven't accomplished my exercise plan for this sem break. It sucks. I already lost 1 and a half weeks. Promise... I will fulfill my duty tomorrow.

School is still bothering my mind. Some class cards are already out and I am really freaked out. Maybe I shouldn't get them anymore. I know I passed but there's this thing within me that makes me not want to take a look at the cards. Or... in plain words... I am just too lazy to drag my butt to school. Ehhh?

Anger for my enemies is not so prominent right now. Maybe its because I don't see them much anymore. I find that good because I get to rest myself from ranting in writing and ranting in thought. I get to focus on watching TV, sleeping and surfing the net. Haha!

Well... I'm still irritated at our new maid. She still smokes and she keeps on trying to make conversation with me at the wrong times. I dunno... I can't even exercise because she always hangs around... I KNOW she'll keep asking me questions and keep telling me I don't need to exercise. Well, I don't NEED anybody telling me that because at the moment I am thoroughly convinced that I have to really lose some weight.

God, I hope no one finds this blog.

The Life Of Me

2004-10-19T16:20:00.000+08:00

There are only three weeks left for me to do what I have to do. The problem is either I wake up late or I wake up just at the right time but feel too lazy. I have to discipline myself. Another problem is at hand: I was supposed to go to school today to check on grades and stuff but I didn't feel like going and so I slept with the TV open. Until now I still have not idea about my grades or anything. Was I supposed to take the chemistry removal exam? Most likely not but I am not 100% certain. During the day of the test, I felt really tired so I didn't get up to go to school anymore. I guess I wouldn't have to take it anyway. I just need about 45% to get a 3.00 so I am believing myself to be safe.

Yesterday, I started reading The Order of The Phoenix again. Now it seems like a terrible idea. I have grown even more impatient on the wait for book 6 and the book 4 movie. Darn... I'm also debugging my PC. There are 56 viruses! Sometimes I just connect to the internet with no browser open and then immediately a virus is detected. I really want to move out of this house already so that we can subscribe to a reliable ISP and not use internet cards. Plus, the maid, ugh... she keeps on puffing on her cigarettes and keeps talking to me, asking me questions, etc. I'm not really this irritable at times but she has already made me hate her because of the fact that she smokes. Ugh once more.

This is a new blog site... Maybe I'll still write on my old one but it'll be less. It's hard to write about things with certain people reading my blog... especially her who love to copy things I write and design in it. I can't use or type stuff I like to because of the fear of being imitated. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to suffering. Anyway, I can talk more openly here with nothing to worry about. Well, entry number one is now existing. I have to go check on the template. I hope this works out already... for real.